a stupid crush

a stupid room for a stupid crush

giyuus pov:
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i am on a mission with shinazugawa sanemi, im fine its not like im scared of him or hurt over the small comments he is making about me, infact its the complete opposite i enjoy his presence, his personality is likeable after getting used to it, and his body is like a statue how i would dream to be in it- no, stop giyuu you arent a sinner.

oh we're here.... ive never been to this inn ive only seen it on missions, it looks like shit but anything is better than what is is. its freezing.

"shinazugawa?" he had been quite.... was he judging me?

"huh? fuck you want?" oh my bad he was probably thinking about something important.... maybe a girlfriend?

"we are here" FUCK ME i sounded so awkward!! i shouldve made conversation!! maybe this is why i have no friends....

he looked.... guilty? no that was out of character, hes fine.

we walked in, close, so close, a lady sat at the entrance- she looked to be in her mid twenties, her dark hair framed her face, her green eyes adding a splash of colour to her nutural look- most people would say she was beutiful but.... there was something about her.... something off. she was not someone i would place my trust in, no matter what the circumstances, though that will never happen.

"tomioka?" shinazugawa was taking something from the lady, did i need to take something from her? IDIOT!! STUPID!! i looked between the two searching for an answer, had i messed up? "tch lets go"
he grabbed my wrist and started walk- wait- HE GRABBED MY WRIST!! this was not a feeling i felt when sabito used to grab my wrist- oh sabtio.... stop thinking about these things sabito is gone i need to stop thinking about him it's pathetic, and i need to stop thinking about shinazugawa its a sin to be a fag "hey so the lady only gave us one key, so we have to share a room"

"what?" i cant tell you what emotion a am feeling as i myself do not know, it was unknown yet endearing and exiting

"yeah, sorry" sorry? more like congratulations- NO giyuu stop

"oh.... is there two beds?" i was sort of hopping he would say no, to sleep in the same bed as him would be like heaven asif the gods finally thanked me for never sinning as mother called it, but he didnt, there was two but hopefully id see him change- what is going on with me today?

the room was fairly close number "56" so the walk was short, "this one," his voice was neutral and calm, id never heard him speak like this, he unlocked the door with a click and i stepped in. it was small, a small closet a bathroom and two beds right next to eachother, this was going to be a long night....

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it was still cold inside i felt like i would freeze, i wonder how shinazugawa would feel he only wears one shirt and his whole chest is exposed though it was hot it was definitely not practical. he was sat on the edge of the bed he decided was his -i wish i was that bed.

NO GOD DAMN IT WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! im disgusting!! why cant i be normal?! why cant i just like girls like normal guys?! mother said ill go to hell!! i cant go there, not after everything ive done!! ive ruined my shot at going to heaven.... i should just end it before a screw anything else up, would anyone even miss me? i cant do this anymore. why am i a screwup? why am i a fag? why am i not normal? is that why sabito and tsutako died? was it because of me? was it karma for my sins? if i wasnt born they would be fine, would they be alive? maybe if i was norma i would have friends, maybe if i was normal shinazugawa would have been born a girl, then we could date.... oh hes gone, he isnt sat on his bed anymore....

"tomioka...?" he was infront if me? "are you okay? youre crying," i was?

"oh, im sorry" he sat down next to me, shit his hand was on my leg

"dont be sorry, whats wrong" he wiped me tear, HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT,

"would.... would you miss me if i died?"