Amnesiac swimmer

Chapter 19: "Marie"

- Television/ So far so good-

01:43 ━━━━●───── 03:50

James forgot about me, again...

Rebecca walked with me until we separated. I haven't said a word since we left the school. I should have. Anything. I just want...wanted someone by my side. Ever since I started my night routine with Lyndsey -which was a week ago- I've been lacking sleep. The second night nobody woke up except me again. I took care of it disguised as James, this time. On the third night, Sadie went to see her daughter, and I watched her do it. But it wasn't enough so I went as Caleb. We chased the spirit in the room for twenty minutes. When he left she fell asleep. I slept for the first and only time on the fourth day.
So yeah, the rest of the week went the same as the beginning. Somehow, I find pleasure in taking care of her without her knowing I'm 'Marie' because of my disguise. I've become really good at becoming Sadie Miller. I feel like I have a purpose in doing this because James has been feeling better than usual. He went back to swimming training and from what I've heard he's doing well. And this morning he said that he'd come to get me after school.

"But he forgot...," I say.

My voice sounds different. I'm not mad. How could I? It's not like I'm part of ... of the Miller.

"Oh finally, you're realising it. You are not part of this family. Your family is waiting for you in France," says marie. "Come on, it's not like they will be worried. They won't even notice we're gone."

You are speaking nonsense marie. I arrive in front of the house. I can hear music. I look inside by the window. They are all reunited in the living room, around the table. I think they are playing a board game. While doing it, Lyndsey is braiding Sadie's hair and they are talking as if they were able to do so every day.

"So what are you going to do? Enter and directly head to your room so you can get some sleep before tonight or play with them."

"No, I don't want to disturb them. They look..."

"Happy. Just like you were when you took their place at night. Be realistic for once, you liked being someone else. You like to steal one of the Miller identities just to feel like you are part of their family. But, you know the truth? We're...no...you're not part of this and you'll never be! That's why he forgets about you every time: because he does not care about you!"

I look at the windows. Happy, I guess that's the word. James is laughing, I don't see this often. I guess she's right.

"Let's go, marie. I don't feel like entering now..."

I feel like going to the park. I have some money, I can buy food. Yeah, this will do for now. The spirit next to me, I walk twenty minutes to the park. The streets are practically empty. It's not really surprising, it's cold outside.

In the park, I take my scratch book out of my bag. I'm going to draw, and put on some music so I can forget today.

"You know, we still need to go back to France. We have to find my family."

"Your family?" I ask.

She nods and I sigh. Soon the night comes and the park is becoming darker. I keep drawing whatever came to my mind with marie bragging next to me about whatever she could criticize about me. Every time I received a notification I looked at my phone as if I was waiting for something but whatever, it was never fulfilled. At some point, I had enough of the disturbance marie was occurring.

"marie. Can you stop? In case you haven't noticed yet, I don't want to see you or hear you."

" Hey, don't be mean, I'm the only one you can talk to, now. I'm the only one that won't forget you."

"It doesn't matter, leave me alone."

And just like that, she left. Now I am alone, for real. Isn't that what I wanted? For people not to care about me. For them to just leave me alone. Then, why do I feel so lonely? It's strange: I don't like it...Have I heard of this feeling in movies? Is it incertitude? Maybe, I feel unsure of what I should do.

Ugh, why do I even bother questioning myself? I am alone, I asked for this. I don't have anyone waiting for me because it's marie's family, not mine. It's just ... my fault. It's always my fault...

The stars...they're beautiful. Oh, I wish I could go back to that place. But I can't ask Silver. We ... are nothing, right? It will be strange. I can walk to that place, I think? It's pretty far but it's not like I'm going to be missed. Maybe three hours if I walk. 

"Hey, 'Marie'! 'Marie'!"

Uh? What's that? I hear a car stop. When did I leave the park? I don't remember packing my stuff...where was I going? Oh right, the far place.

"Are you gonna stop ignoring, Demonia? Wow, did you turn into a zombie"

I bumped into someone. My body won't move. The person poses his hands on my shoulder. My eyes are too close I can't see who it is. I just wanted to go watch the stars...let me go there, please...

"You want to go to watch the stars? So you want to go to that place. Alright, sure. Come on."

The person takes my hand and pulls me behind him. We walk to the car and the person inside greets me but the other person interrupts him. They talk a little and the car starts to move. I look at the person sitting beside me. Now, I can see who it is: Silver