Amnesiac swimmer

Chapter 33: "Marie Miller"

-music- 

 01:43 ━━━━●───── 03:50

After last night's training, I was convinced I would be able to face Carl. Alone ...or not. This morning I went to school alone because James's morning classes were canceled. I went to find the rest of the group but they weren't anywhere to be found. Eventually, I ran into Carl and his creepy smile. Fucking awesome. 

"Salut-I mean hello, 'Marie'."

I should have talked to him but I ran away to the gymnasium. And, of course, he followed me. Is he smiling? Because that'd be the most creepiest thing I've ever experienced since marie- Oh he is! My god this is horrible! I can't do it.

"Of course, you can, Marie."

No....I can't do it... he acts so weirdly when I'm alone. But if I talk with him when I'm with someone... will it resolve the problem? I don't think so. ...urg...

I turn to face him. We're behind the gymnasium. 

"Stop," I say. 

He tilts his head. 

" 'Stop'," he repeats. 

"Yes. Stop following me everywhere! Stop acting all creepy! Stop questioning me about my life in France because I don't fucking know!"

He tilts on the other side. Creepy, creepy, creepy. 

"You don't?"

And he smiles! 

"No, I don't! I ... I have amnesia." 

He doesn't answer. His green eyes are looking at me and I hate it. But..I've never seen him looking at me like that. Is it pity? Or does he not believe me? But whatever it is, it's better than his creepy look. Then he smiles and takes a step closer to me. 

"I know. I figured it out a week ago."

What? ...wait what?  I look at him, he's smiling proud of himself. Proud that he made me tell him that. Now I feel lost...wait he knew? How? Am I that obvious? He laughs, and continues:

"I knew you had some memory problems. I didn't know the rest of the story." 

"So when you figure out something like that...you follow people and creep them out?"I ask. "That's weird."

Now he's the one to be surprised or ... embarrassed?

"I don't...I mean ... it wasn't my objective!"

He sighs and sits on the floor against the gymnasium. Should I sit too or do I take this chance to run away and reunite with my friend? He looks at me. 

"I'm sorry. It's just that when you told me your name the first time we met...I knew you were lying. And I hate liars."

A spark of hatred passes through his eyes when he says that. Okay...wait-did he say I lied? When I said my name? 

"I didn't lie. My name is Marie."

"That's the name you got after your amnesia, right?" I nod and he continues. "That's why you sound so unsure when you present yourself. So I thought you were just an usurpator trying to, I don't know, use the group for whatever favor you could need. But when I asked you some questions-."

"Some? I didn't know a hundred was contained in the word 'some'."

"Yeah-sorry," he shuffles. "It's just when I asked you about your friends, your life here, and everything related to your year here...you seemed more sure than everything else. Like James ain't your brother but you're convinced he is...like it's the truth for you and  him too."

"Okay-no, wait a minute. You can't just barge into my life and start analyzing it better than I do. And how do you know that? Are you some kind of lie detector?"

"I guess I am. I just know when someone is lying to me without needing to know them personally. There's this little something that tells me you're a liar. And, at that moment, you were one." 

Well that's nice ... and I thought I was finally starting to find myself in the mess that my new life is. I guess I was wrong ... again. If I'm not even sure of my name ... what am I sure of? My life here ... everyone calls me Marie so ... how can I be more sure of that than ... me? Carl laughs.

"Don't question yourself too much, I haven't figured out everything about you. I'm still missing .... Oh yeah, I wanted to ask you: what's your relationship with Silver? It's not clear to me."

"Why the fuck do you need this information?"

He shrugs and says that he just likes to know.

"Well ... Silver and I are friends... yeah we've been official friends since February."

"Liar."

Of course he can't just take the information and shut up about his lie detector... we exchange looks. 

"Ugh... yeah ... you want the truth? Alright, he's not my friend. At least not the same type of friends as Liam, Reb or the other. Is that good enough?"

"Nope."

"Well deal with it."

"Right...I conclude that you like him."

"What?!"

He breaks into laughing as if he just said the funniest joke the world has ever heard. He looks at me with tears under his eyes. He poses his hand on his cheeks and I do the same. Oh ... I'm burning, they are on fire, why? 

"Admit it. You do."

"Nope. Not this way."

"What way? Be honest, it's not good to lie to yourself." 

Is he going to leave me alone one day? But ... he's right though...I noticed it a while ago when Carl  started to follow me around. Silver is ... hanging out with Silver, it's different. It's not just that...I mean being around him, swimming with him -or just being at the bottom of the pool-. His grey eyes and his dark skin ... I like that I'm able  to call him 'angel' as  a joke because, for me, he really is one. So even though I don't want to admit it in front of Carl, I told myself in front of my mirror and ... yesterday when I was at the bottom of the water... I told him. Of course, I knew he couldn't understand but I wanted to know if I was able to say  it. Surprisingly, saying it out loud felt good...

I sigh: oh yeah...I love Silver and it's one of the best feelings I've experienced in my new life. I look at the sky, clear with just enough clouds to make it look good. 

" Ouais... je sais..."

Carl just considered me for a sec before looking away. 

"Tant mieux..."

"We should go back ... the others must have arrived by now."

"You bet they are."

He points in the direction of the main building. A group of three walk near us: Liam, Rebecca, and of course, Silver. 

"I'll tell Silver about our previous discussion ... before the ... well-"

"Yeah, alright, do whatever you want."

When the other arrives near us, we keep silent which is, I'll be honest, pretty suspect but Liam starts a conversation about his new puppy and that he will soon invite us to come see him. I mean why not... At his right, Silver looks at me. I stare into his eyes and he asks me, with a quick look at Carl, if everything is okay. So, I smile to answer him and he smiles. Yes, it's definitely different with him...