Dear Phil [Phan]

17/1/11

Dear Phil,

Happy New Year, Phil! Its a whole new year. A new beginning. And its the year you come back to me. I cannot describe the pain in my chest when everyone kissed at the chime of midnight. It physically hurt. I never thought my heart could physically hurt me, but at 12:00am on 1st January 2011, I can safely say my heart hurt more than any other of my organs had ever hurt before. But it'll soon be over. I'll never have to spend another Christmas, New Year or birthday without you by my side. Which reminds me, its your birthday in a few days. I hope they treat you like you ought to be treated; like a king. Don't you worry, I bought you a birthday present and it's waiting for you to get home. What is the first thing you want to do when you come home? I hope you've already understood I won't let go of you for approximately two weeks after you've arrived.

One thing I'm worried about is Valentines Day. What will I do? Where will I go? I'm not sure I'll even celebrate it if I'm honest. I don't think missing you has ever been this hard. I've never loved anyone in my whole 20 years of life as much as I have loved you. I never told you the first time we had sex was my first time. I told you I'd done it before, but I simply said that because I was scared to look stupid in front of you. You were older and more experienced than I was. And I think you knew I was lying. I think you knew I'd never been intimate with anyone before, and you never once questioned me when I asked you to go slow. I don't think you'll ever understand how much I appreciated that.

I know it's hard for you to write, but could you try and maybe send something for Valentines? I know its really selfish of me but I need you to tell me you love me.

I love you always,

Dan