Alina

All my memories are blending together. New ones suddenly appear, and others are fading.
I can't remember my past, and it's scary.

It's getting hard to tell what's real and what's not real apart anymore. I think they're memories, but they seem so impossible to ever happen to someone like me.

A small voice tells me to hold onto the images I see. They are of a smiling family, and me. There's an emotion that I'm so unfamiliar with in their eyes. I want to talk to them, but I'm frozen and am forced to watch these scenes go by.
The voice tells me to never forget what I've seen.
To always know that it happened.
To know it was all real.
To know that they will come.

I don't know how long I've been here. Sometimes I wonder if I ever left in the first place.
Is the family that I see in my dreams just a figment of my imagination? Or are they really out there, looking for me, waiting for me to come home?

I don't like it here. It's so lonely and quiet. I haven't been able to leave my room for who knows how long. My meals are all the same, the window is completely blocked off, and there are no clocks in here either. I don't even know if it's day or night anymore.

There's a woman who sleeps in a small, anointing room to mine, her name is Anastasia and she takes care of me.
Anastasia is super lucky! She's allowed to leave my room to retrieve my meals from the antechamber which remains locked from me at all times.

My brothers visit me at random points and throughout the day, or night. Sometimes they'll even stay until I fall asleep.

Whenever they do come, they bring old photos and tell me stories about my past, about my "happy life" here. When I asked about my life outside the room, they got angry. Like really angry. Dmitri smacked me but quickly apologized but said I had to learn to not cross that line.
According to them, when I lived outside my bedroom, I was almost taken away by bad guys so they locked me up here to protect me from the monsters out there. They refuse to tell me what their name was, instead I've been instructed to call them monsters cause monsters are mean and scary.

Apparently, I was really sick and weak for a while. To make me all better and prevent it from coming back, a doctor comes in everyday and injects me with a special medicine. One or both of my brothers always accompanies him while he does it. I hate that time of day. Its hurts so much and I always cry and beg them to stop. They just hold me tightly to their chests to stop my flailing while the doctor injects me.
Before I close my eyes and succumb to the pain, they'll tell me more of their stories to lull me to sleep.

I feel no pain in my sleep. My lack of pain is usually accompanied by the family. But when I wake up, my whole body aches because of the shot and I always wish to see those seven smiling people again.

When my brothers aren't here, I do arts and crafts and watch TV sometimes. Anastasia also teaches me from books Alexei gives her. She says I'm very smart for my age! I asked her one day why there were no maps,

"Your brothers don't want you to worry about it" was all she said.

But I want to worry about it! I don't like staying up here all day! I wanna go outside and play! I'm afraid to ask my brothers. They'll just hit me and remind me of the monsters out there, so what's the point? But I'm a big, strong girl! I can fight monsters no problem.

My brothers were here when I woke up this morning and we spent all day together until lunch time when they had to go back to work. A few hours later, Alexei returned with the doctor. No matter how many times it happens, the shot never hurts any less.

I didn't know if it's the same day or the next, but when I open my eyes again, Anastasia was silently crying while rocking me in her lap. Her warm, soft fingers ran through my hair. I felt her trembling hands as she did so.

Now, Anastasia and I are sitting at my vanity in silence as she brushes my long, blonde hair after my bath.

"Alina? Would you like to hear a story?"

I meet her eyes in the mirror and smile.
"Yes!"
I love when Anastasia tells me stories. She does it to distract me from the pain the majority of times.

"Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess. She had tan skin, chocolate brown eyes and flowing brown hair..."

As Anastasia continues, she tucks me into bed and gently rubs soothing circles along my arm, being extra careful around the injection site from earlier today. Or yesterday. Who knows?
I sure don't.

"...The princess was now a queen who was free to do anything she wanted. She could finally protect her kingdom, herself, and the ones she loved. She and her husband had five princes and many years later, a princess joined the loving family. Her smile could light up their worlds and the queen was determined to give her daughter the childhood she never had."

"No 'the end'?" I ask.

"The princess has her own story that has yet to be finished. But the queen and her husband lived happily ever after for a long time."

"Ohhhh." I sleepily say accompanied by a small yawn.

"Alina, can you promise me something?"

I nod.

"Don't tell your brothers about the story. It's just for us to know. Ok?"

"Pinky swear." I say, holding out my little finger.

She smiles and intertwines hers with mine. I see a lone tear fall down her cheek.

"Why are you crying?"

"Sometimes in life you just have to cry. There doesn't have to be a reason. You just cry and that's ok."

"How do you know so much about the queen and her family? Are they your friends?"

She's silent for a moment, a looking of longing rests on her face.

"She was, once. But it was many years ago when she was still a young princess, like you."

I smile and yawn at the same time.

"It's time to go to sleep now." She bends down and kisses my forehead. "Good night, Alina."

"Night night."

Soon, sleep takes me. I hope to see those people again. Hopefully they'll get to meet the queen and her family too!