Collision

Chapter Twenty Nine

~ Chapter Twenty Nine ~

Carl's P.O.V.

Ellie was acting weird. Usually, whenever I tried finding small ways to hold her hand, she would gladly accept. She would hold on for so long that I was the one who had to break it off after my fingers got too stiff.

Today, everything just fell apart from its pieces. Every time I tried getting near her, she would give me an apologetic smile and then shy away as if she wanted nothing to do with me. As if I meant nothing to her.

It hurt. It really hurt.

With my heart physically hurting, I received her message. She wanted nothing to do with me. But she never gave me an explanation whatsoever. 

Was it because we finally got out of that sick game of a maze? But that should be a reason for her to celebrate, not be distant. Did she ever like me in the first place? Or was she just using me as a distraction until we got out?

My mind ran wild with paranoid thoughts. I was going to lose it if I couldn't hold her close. I felt like losing it if I didn't have the privilege of hearing her voice again.

Ellie's P.O.V.

I had to avoid him. I had to make it as painless as possible. If I became mean and disconnected, no one would try any more. He wouldn't try any more. Sooner or later, he would lose interest in me, and God knows find that Beth girl he talked about once.

I held my weight well, nothing absurd. Carl kept trying to be around me, but I just put up an awkward smile and walked away from him. I didn't know. Why was I doing this? It was painful trying to avoid him, but I knew it was for his own good. It had to be.

For now, I had to focus on the fact that we got out of that labyrinth safely. Forcing a smile on my face, I walked along side Joel while he and Rick argued about where to go.

"I'm just saying, it would be much safer if we tried avoiding the roads," Rick stated.

"We don't have to walk on the roads, we can just tread the forest beside it. That way, we'll be hidden, and we'll have a better view of everything going on," Joel rebutalled. 

The argument about which was safer and which was more effective lasting long enough, until Daryl decided to nose in. "Just flip a damn coin," he suggested, his voice sounding more hoarse than usual.

"If we had any in the first place," Joel sighed, giving up his side of the argument and letting things go Rick's way. 

Man, did I not want anything in Rick's way any more. 

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It felt like years since I'd talked to Carl, but in truth it had only been two days. Michonne seemed to notice our 'separation', but she didn't care to further disrupt our already disconnected relationship. Whatever our relationship was.

I focused on our situation instead of Carl. We'd been forced to camp and go everyday, hunting for squirrels and finding water sources. At times, we'd even get lucky and find an abandoned shed here and there, but the sheds couldn't hold more than five people at a time, so we left everything the way it was when we found it.

Unsurprisingly, Daryl hunted enough squirrels to keep us alive, but it never filled our stomachs enough. He kept volunteering to go on another hunt alone, but none of us could ask more of him than he'd already given us.

Michonne was the one who found us water, going on runs trying to find rivers, streams, any body of water. It didn't even matter if it was a large body of water or not, we were just thankful that we weren't going to die of dehydration.

Carol seemed to be doing perfectly fine, while Rick... Rick was starting to get tense. Every time someone got close to him, it's like he'd be afraid they could read his thoughts. He should be like that. But he shouldn't be the only one feeling the least bit of guilt. Either way, my mind fluttered with anger when I saw him or Carol. I was also angry at myself.

Melanie wasn't much of a talker when she wasn't being talked to. She just always kept to herself, but she did her rounds as well. Sometimes, though, I'd be afraid that she'd just take our belongings and run away. But I remembered she wasn't the murderer.

Life was quiet, but not even close to peaceful. Barely anyone spoke a word any more, since there was nothing else to talk about. Nothing to bring our hopes up anyway. 

I was scooping up water in my tin can when Carl came close. My first instinct was to stop what I was doing and turn the other way, but he wouldn't let me this time.

"Don't," he ordered, forcing me to stand up and face him. "It's been long enough. I've given you the space you wanted, now you tell me why you've been acting up lately."

"I didn't want the space, I needed it," I scoffed, rolling my eyes from irritation.

"Then tell me why you needed it, because I know damn well it isn't because we left that maze."

I thought for a moment before replying, "what if it was? What would you do, knowing that I only stuck by you because we had to be together."

A pained expression made its way to his face, and he looked to the side, hoping I didn't catch a glimpse of it. "Just tell me the truth."

"The truth hurts," I whispered, turning around to signal him that I didn't want to talk any more.

But he was stubborn. Carl grabbed my wrist and turned me back to face him. Closing his eyes, he forced the words out of his mouth, "please. I'm begging you. Tell me what I did to make you like this."

At the sound of his voice breaking, my eyes started turning glassy. I blinked them back before he had the chance to see. It seemed we were both trying to hide our feelings. "You would never understand, so please. I'm begging you as well. Drop the topic."

"Ellie, the only thing I don't understand is the fact that you can be so selfish as to not tell me what the hell is wrong so that I could help you."

"It's not me that needs help," I said out loud before having the chance to think.

"What do you mean?" He raised his eyebrow, curiosity yearning to be quenched. 

"Go ask your dad, maybe he'll tell you."

Trying to free myself from his grasp, he only made his hold on me tighter. "I'm not asking my dad because you're the one I need to talk to right now. I'm going to ask again, what is wrong?"

I looked around, trying to see if anyone was in earshot of us, vulnerable to hearing the words I was about to spurt out. Fortunately, everyone left to try and find more water holders.

I turned my eyes back to Carl, keeping my expression as dead serious as possible. "You must not say a word of this to anyone, do you understand?" I asked, emphasizing every syllable.

He nodded his head, unaware that what I was about to tell him, could possibly ruin the very image of his father figure.

"Do you remember Julie?"