Motionless Masterpiece

Heart to Heart

[Chris' POV]

The rest of the night was full of emotions that filled me to a capacity that I didn't know existed. Watching my daughter and mother bonding, listening to my mother fawn over her in every way possible, and me watching my daughter light up over the conversation.

I could only imagine how she grew up these last six years. Never feeling the love, getting the warm conversations or compliments, having someone dote over you in a loving way. Like Justin said, maybe this would be enough to help heal her, better than the therapy.

When her food arrived, we laughed over the masses. Shocking enough, she managed to eat everything on her plate and tuck away all but three bites of the dessert.

We were deep into a conversation about planning a family vacation over our break, when I realized that Josephine was no longer talking. I glanced over at her, and she was slumped over the arm of the couch fast asleep.

I turned back to my mom. "Should I leave her to sleep here or wake her up so she can go to bed?"

She shook her head. "I'll go turn her bed down and you carry her to bed and tuck her in like your father and I did when you were little."

Grazing her hand along Josephine's cheek she smiled sweetly before leaving the room to go turn down the bed. With little effort I lifted her into my arms and carefully carried her into her room where my mother was waiting with the sheets turned down. I laid her down and gently tucked her blanket around her.

"Just like that." My mother said, standing and wrapping her arm over my shoulder. "She's precious."

"She's everything." I stated, my eyes not leaving her face. 

It took everything to pull myself from the room and return to the living room with my mom. We continued talking a little before deciding it was a good idea to get some rest. After the emotional toll of the last few days, ending with the relief of having my daughter safe with me I was able to fall asleep.

I was awaken suddenly from my sleep. The lack of natural light let me know that it was still night. I didn't know what had waken me until I heard her scream again. Jumping from my bed I bolted from the bedroom and ran straight for her room. When I threw open the door, I could see her silhouette writhing in her bed.

"Stop! NO!" She cried out.

It took me a moment to realize she was still sleeping and that she was having a nightmare. I crossed the room knelt down beside her bed and with my hand on her shoulder I shook her gently and called her name. It took her a moment, but she snapped her eyes open, and let out a shriek moving away from me.

"You're safe, Josephine. You were just having a bad dream." 

Pushing herself up into a seated position, she looked at me with tears in her eyes. "It wasn't just a dream, it happened."

I could feel the anger filling my body at the thought of her foster family and all they had done to her. I wanted nothing more than to make them suffer, but more than that I wanted to ease my daughters pain, to comfort her, to protect her.

Moving from the floor, I climbed into the bed beside her and sat with my back against the headboard.

"I'm here, and no one will ever hurt you again." Gently, I pulled her into my arms and held her briefly before helping her lay back down in her bed. "I'm not going anywhere, go to sleep, we have a lot to do tomorrow."

I sat there beside her in the dark and after ten minutes I thought she had fallen back to sleep, but then she spoke into the darkness.

"Dad?" She spoke in a quiet voice.

"Mmhmm." 

"Are you mad at mom?"

This question again. I almost forgot that I promised to tell her.

"Your mother was my first and last love. I loved her more than my own life." I took a beat to think of how to word what exactly I wanted to say next. "I never wanted to be mad at your mother. I think for the most part I have achieved that. What I feel is hurt." 

I never really spoke these thoughts out loud, or even contemplated on them as it was wounds that I never wanted to open up and explore.

"She was never good with this lifestyle that I was living. The fans, the media, the constant traveling, and this was early on in the beginning of my career. She knew it was going to get more hectic. Then she found out about you and I was so excited, but she was so scared of doing this all while I was living my career, so she told me she lost the baby and then left."

The memories were so painfully fresh.

"I was and still am heartbroken. I guess I should have given up this career and things would have been different. Maybe you'd still have a mom, no painful memories that terrorize you at night. If anything I'm mad at myself, and I'm so sorry for not choosing faster and losing you and your mom." A tear slipped from my eye and began its descent down my face as my eyes held hers.

"You didn't know, daddy." She whispered. "She loved you though, talked about you all the time. When I would ask why I couldn't see you, she said because she was scared. She had social anxiety and couldn't handle all of that. I used to be so mad at her all the time because I wanted to know you, and then I was so mad at her when she died and I had to go into the system."

"You are allowed to feel however you feel about me, your mom, your past, as long as you do so in a healthy way. You need to feel it, to let yourself process through the emotions."

"Does that make me a bad person, being mad at mom?" She asked me.

I shook my head. "It makes you understandably human. You've been through so much that you shouldn't have gone through and because of choices that your mother and I both made as individuals you suffered. You can be mad at mom, you can be mad at me, if that's how you truly feel I understand."

She turned her head to look at me, though it was dark I could see her eyes, tears flowing freely. "I miss her so much." her voice broke, thick with tears.

I ran my hand slowly over her hair in an attempt to soothe her. "I miss her too, baby girl. If I could, I'd give up everything just to have her back so we could all be together."

I would. No hesitation.

She fell asleep crying in my arms and I followed into a slumber shortly after, still sitting up with my back against the headboard. When I woke again the sun cast the room in a soft glow which meant it was morning.

Rolling my head to the side I popped my neck, that had stiffened slightly from the way I had fallen asleep. Matter of fact, most of my body felt stiff. I was too old to be sleeping like this. 

"Rise and shine, sweethearts." My mother said as she popped her head into the room and opened the curtains. "Busy, busy day." She tracked back to stand in front of the bed and tilted her head slightly as she looked at me with Josephine slowly waking from her sleep. "The absolute sweetest.

Pushing herself up into a sitting position I was finally able to get up out of bed and stretch out my limbs. I was definitely sore, but that could be worked out by movement.

"I'm going to go and get ready, then we can head on out. We have quite a bit to get done before the concert tonight, so I figure we can hit up the mall, they have the phone store, the apple store, and we can even do some shopping for clothes. What do you think?" I asked, waiting for her opinion.

"Shopping at the mall? I've never bought anything from the mall before, I'm excited." A huge smile lit up her face as she quickly gathered to her feet and searched her bag for clothes, before hurrying off to the bathroom.