Where The Lonely Ones Roam.

Part 4.

It’s like being hit on the head with something heavy. I keep staring blankly at an open file, not wanting to take it seriously. It doesn’t happen. It doesn’t happen, right? I want to get out of here.

— I thought the ghouls didn’t get the same nicknames, — I whisper desperately.

— They don’t, —  Ui says softly, and I think I hear a crack of broken hopes.

— He’s dead. Dead.

How pathetic my voice sounds is making me sick.

The claw... ran away then. Koori is clearly trying to find the words. — It was decided to tell you that he had been killed.

— Who made the decision?

— Me.

I cover my eyes for a second, then I get up and leave the conference room with my apologies. I can’t get very far. Before the door even closes, someone grabs my hand.

—Shika, that was the optimistic decision, — Sempai says quietly.

—It wasn't.

I lean back towards the wall and look at him. Deep inside I feel only hollow, I don't even want to be angry at the moment. And there’s a resentment out there in the backyard. Like a kid who’s been told there’s no monster under his bed and then he sees a pair of burning red eyes.

— It wasn’t, — I repeat, shaking my head. —  I believed you. So much so that I couldn’t even think of taking the case files!

I feel a lump coming to my throat, and I look away. I can’t believe it. I've been...

— How did he survive? — I ask.

—Shika...

—How?

—Tried to run away from investigators. Jumped out of the bridge. He still isn't found.

I nod and I try to leave again, but before I can even walk, Ui grabs me by the shoulders and presses me against the wall.

— Let me go, — I demand, as I feel my anger begin to grow inside.

— Come on! — The voice of the Sempai sounds almost begging.

— I had right to know!

— You had right to live a normal life! — he cutse down abruptly. — Roaming around streets and not looking around. Not be afraid of his returning. You were emotionally crushed, what right did I have to blame this on you?

I put my head down to cover my tears. That’s right. I was very depressed, I could neither eat nor sleep. And if I knew Claw was still alive... I guess I’d go crazy. Koori saved my life, what right I have blaming him? Right, I don't have. I am almost ready to admit that Ui is right, when suddenly coming to mind the thought literally beats the gut. I raise my head sharply and look at him.

— Is that why you’ve been in touch with me all this time? — I ask furiously, trying to break free.

— You know it's not true. — Koori frowns like my words hurt him physically.

— I’m not sure anymore.

I almost regret what I said, but only almost. Of course, I understand that’s not why he still cares about me. Things are much deeper and more complicated here, but now my eyes are filled with anger. If I am angry, I usually hurt people around me. It’s a nasty trait.

We flinch as we hear someone opens the door. It turns out that it's Juuzou. He asks with perplexity:

— What are you doing right here?