Where The Lonely Ones Roam.

Part 5.

I can hear someone screaming in my sleep, and I don't immediately realize it's my voice. I wake up abruptly, breathing heavily. In the darkness, it seems that there is a silhouette in front of the bed. Numb because of fear, I rush to the table lamp. Of course, there is no one. I'm cramping the blanket, trying to calm the shivers. The nightmares are back. Predictable.

I get out of bed, almost stumble on my own slippers. I rush through the apartment and turn on the light everywhere, after which I start pacing around the kitchen. The body no longer just trembles, it shakes. Whether from nervous tension or cold sweat. I move to the window, open it and lean my hands on the windowsill. Too much blood, how man can consists of so much blood... I exhale sharply. Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Just a dream... Yeah, but what happened in there really happened... It happened to me! I go down on my knees, holding freaking windowsill tightly.

— No, please, please, please, — I whisper, shivering.
— Not again, please...

It replicates at the following night. I scream, wake up, I'm choking and I can't get over it. As a fact, Tetsuo is constantly busy at work and in order not to wake his girlfriend, goes home to stay at night. I don't wanna tell him about it at all. He doesn't need to see me like this.

On the fourth day I am so exhausted from a constant lack of sleep that I can barely work. Not to mention, it's so scary to look at my reflection in the mirror. These bruises under my eyes are terrible. And that fact I almost do not eat... Yes, a miserable sight. And the voice is already hoarse from constant yelling. I wonder what the neighbors think of me?

Shinohara-san is constantly trying to send me home, but I refuse all the time. There, alone, only worse. And Suzuya... I can't get that sudden flash of his other side out of my mind. What was that all about? What's the reaction to a tactless but still harmless question? Who is Rey? I just have a lot of questions about Juuzou, but I'm not in a hurry to ask Shinohara-san about them. I'm not sure I would like the answers. There's a lot of headaches right now and I still remember my irrational fear on the roof when I look at this weird guy. Of course, you can just go into the database and read his file. I can, I've already hacked it. But that's not right. Especially now, when we are trying to get along with each other. I hope it's actually possible.

All of the attempts to gather information aren't successful. I keep opening files from the Claw case, trying to see some patterns and I'm embarrassed to lose. After all, I can't stand it and when Koori comes into the department, I grab his arm and make him go to the roof. There we stand for a while silently, then he is unhappy and says:

— Nightmares.

It is not a question, but a statement of fact. I nod.

— My cat starts thinking I'm crazy.

— Understandable. Apparently, you should go to a doctor?

— What's the point? — i reply angrily. — He prescribes me sleeping pills and I won't wake up at all. The nightmares won't go away! And I still will be grumpy because of the lack of sleep.

— We need to catch him as soon as possible, — Koori says, patting me on the shoulder.

— You need another coordinator, — I whisper, and he stops.

— Stay as calm as possible, — he coughs, advises. I shake my head and look at him in despair.

— I'm useless, Sempai. I can't work normally now, but what will happen when we find him? I might hurt my team, you... You need another coordinator.

— And are you ready to trust our lifes to someone else?

Yes. No... It's the second time I'm trying to escape my work. Is it indeed easy to run away from responsibility? I'm trying to leave it to someone else and sit home with a clear conscience. It's not like me at all. But what if because of my psychosis I put the whole team in hazard? And Sempai? No. Another coordinator... wouldn't handle it. Insight comes unexpectedly and the reason is simple and clear as day. Suzuya. I have already managed to get used to his work, methods and constant disappearance, so I build up tactics in the style of «minus one». The other will not understand, at least not immediately. It might costs someone's life.