Different similarities

Chapter 10

The only question in my head is: How will I do it? It kept me awake for a long time, contemplating if I should confront Jean. I want to, but I'm so scared of what he will say. A part of me knew that I'd do that, what it didn't know was how I would do it.

In the morning I woke up feeling motivated and determined to take everything in my hands for once. I was prepared to fight for Jean, to discover everything that didn't just sit right with me.

In the doorway of my room, I noticed Jay standing there. I almost forgot he's still staying at our place. Jay was out of town for a while, but today I see him here.

"Kai told me you weren't looking like you." A brief silence followed through. "All weekend." Jay finished with a warm worried look on his face.

He stepped into my room and then looked at me as if asking: Can I? I only nodded and didn't say anything, waiting for what he had to say. He looked around the room, at all the posters of my favorite artists. Then he slowly walked toward my old wooden bookcase full of specks of dust and books I hadn't read in a while. Jay's eyes moved from the highest shelf towards the lowest, his hands took one and he returned to face me.

"Wow, you still have it?" he held a relatively small book in his hands with a purple cover that was wrinkled because of its usage over the years. With a playful smile, he sat next to me.

"That was the best gift I had ever gotten," I told him.

Jay repeated the same question I had gotten from Autumn and I told him the same answer.

"You always were like that," his lips curled into a smile and mine went frowning.

"Like what?"

"You would always know that eventually everything was going to be okay, no matter the harm caused to you."Jay finished his sentence, stood up and returned the book to where it belonged. After a few more looks around the room he left.

I wanted to think of words he had said for a little, however, couldn't let myself waste much time, so I began dressing up. With each step I took around the house I felt more and more anxious.

"Kaya, we're going, Jay's driving us to school," Kai shouted from downstairs.

The way to school consisted of Jay glancing back and forth at me through the mirror and Kai doing the same. It was a silent car ride, the desperate Kai's effort to start a conversation didn't succeed. When I saw my school, things got worse. My hands were shaking a little and my head started pounding from pure frustration, I felt nauseous.

I entered school feeling small, at first I didn't want to look around but then I remembered the reason why I came today. Then slowly my heart raced as I searched for his face in the hallways, my heart would jump when I mixed him with someone else. I waited and waited in front of the classroom, hoping he'd show up. Jean didn't show up, however, he was late. And it so happened that we were sitting next to each other. Now was my chance.

I started with a simple "Hi,"

Jean softly smiled at me but he didn't say anything.

"What's up with you?" I looked at him staring at the board "With you and Mia?" He gulped and then finally looked at me.

"I can't talk to you, so please..." Jean's face was tired, I could smell exhaustion on him. And the way he looked at me, his brown eyes lost their sparkle, they were blank and I couldn't see myself through them anymore.

My heart was jumping around in my chest like crazy, my breathing went up and down. I couldn't stop panicking. I sat there, in the classroom acting as if I was running a marathon.