The Nowhere Girl

37. A Toddler Reads to Me

"Damian," I ask, peaking my head inside.

He turns his head in my direction, his eyes lighting up before glaring at me again. I almost close the door again but don't, instead letting myself in. His room is surprisingly clean for a boy's; the floor is spotless, and the table and desk don't have a spec of dust on them. even the beanbag in the corner is perfectly placed.

"Go away, Kelly," he grumbles.

"No, I don't think I will," I say. I lean against his desk and turn my attention to it. It's covered in various school papers, writing tools and sketch papers. I look at one in particular, a sketch of a girl with shaggy hair wearing a hoodie.

She's me.

I turn back to Damian who is sitting on the edge of his bed, frowning hard as he reads over a book. It might burst into flames if he stares at it any harder.

"I'm sorry I left," I say.

Damian's face goes slack for a second, one I barely manage to pick up. His face goes back to his usual snotty look. "-tt- I don't care that you left, I was merely disappointed that you chose Todd over us when you came back." I can see a slight smile tugging on the edge of his lips, but I choose to ignore it.

He goes back to his book, frowning as if the words are super tiny. My pause slightly, eyebrows furrowed. He seems to be struggling, his eyes going over the line again and again. Eventually, he sighs in defeat.

"Are you going to stand there or are you going to help me, Kelly?"

I can feel my face go blank as I try look for a way out of this.

"I can try," I say, hating the way I know I probably can't. I sit next to him on the bed, leaning over his shoulder as I look at the book. I recognise one of the illustrations in the book. He's reading How to Train Your Dragon, the words being bigger and bolder, filling up more space on the page. "Okay, lets see."

I look at the words, I know what they're supposed to say but they don't make any sense. I let out a huff of frustration as I try to form a cohesive word.

"Long ago, on the wild and windy isle of Berk, a smallish Viking with a longish name stood up to his ankles in snow," I read from memory. I love this series and used to listen to it on audiobook.

I can't get any further than that. "Maybe it's, uh..."

Damian looks at me, confused. "Can't you read?" he asks, almost condescending.

I can't even come up with a convincing answer as I try to continue reading. Before I can try a new method, Damian shuts the book, forcing me to turn and look at him. "Bluey, can you read?"

"Well, I'm gifted, see," I say sadly, way past embarrassment. "Gay, illiterate, fucked over, touch starved, exhausted, disappointment. Gifted. The letters just don't make words."

"So you're disleksic?" he asks, closing the book and setting it down to look at me in an almost incredulous way.

"Practically a demigod," I mutter under my breath, even though it hurts like a blow to the gut to know there's something else wrong with. "So what's your excuse Damian? Why can't you read?"

It comes out harsher than I would have liked.

"Of course I can read!" he practically yells, throwing his hands in frustration. "A child of father could never not be able to read..." Even he sounds like he doesn't believe it. "I can read in Arabic. English is stupid."

I laugh and pat his back. "It's okay to not be able to read in English, or struggle." I lie back on his bed, looking at the ceiling. "Just practice, unlike me you have a fair shot at getting good at reading, so just have a go, alright?"

Damian's almost smile comes out again as he lies back next to me, letting out a huff. "Right, I was doing that anyway, but I guess you are right. At least I'm better off than you..." He pauses, looking at me as he contemplates something. "But you can stay and read with me if you want, I can read to you."

I nod, turning and shuffling so my head is on the pillow. "Now you're just rubbing it in." Damian shimmies over, snuggling into my side. I put my arm around him as he opens the book and clears his throat.

"Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, the Hope and Heir to the Tribe of the Hairy Hooligans, had been feeling slightly sick ever since he woke up that morning."

By the time I start falling asleep, I've only managed to help Damian a few times, and only because I can remember how David Tennant voiced Gobber in the audiobook, but Damian is mostly self-sufficient. I can't help but smile when he manages to figure out the bigger words on his own.

My eyes are just closing when Damian pats my face to wake me up. I grumble, telling him I'm up. Opening my eyes, I find him looking at me like I might disappear before his eyes.

"What?" I ask.

"Where did you go?" He doesn't look at me, his head resting in the crook of my neck. I catch him stealing a glance my way. "We couldn't find you."

I stiffen. "I-I... You have to promise not to tell anyone."

Damian glances up at me and cup his head, play with the hairs at the base of his neck. His face flushes pink. "Whatever, I promise."

I hold out my pinkie. Damian rolls his eyes, but pinkie swears anyway.

I don't tell him the whole story. I just can't bring myself to talk about how I killed Amanda Waller. I explain that she kidnapped me and put me in Belle Reve Penitentiary. I tell him how I was on the Suicide Squad. Then I got the bomb out of my neck and how Harley and Floyd were pardoned. How I'm legally alive and a Lawton. And the bounty.

All that is true, but as I say it my palms feel sweaty. I've only told Jason this.

"You were gone for almost two months." Damian's voice is almost unsteady, and he looks almost angry. "Father said you had a fight, and then you disappeared. Now you are falling in with criminals?"

"He's giving up crime, Dami, for his daughter," I sigh. I nudge him, but instead of unfurling, he grips my shirt. "And I'm staying here from now on."

"You're not going back to your world?"

"No."

Meme of the day