Lifes Truth Cuts Deep

The Blow Up

from: The Writer 

I hope you enjoy ana's life story it reminds me that everyone's struggling through something and yet we still carry on because we are strong. we may not realize it, but we are the strongest beings on earth, and we are human and that's all we are sometimes so try remembering that. because you are special, amazing, and loved. You might not think anyone cares but i do and you will probably meet other people who as well if you haven't met anyone yet.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  To: The Reader

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"Ana, are you even paying attention?" Ana's therapist said. Ana told her, "Yeah, sorry." Even though she was thinking, "I don't know why she can't just leave me alone! I mean there's no way to help me especially after everything that's happened." " Can't you tell me what is going on instead of staring off into space the whole entire session?" All I could say was, "It's a long story." She said, "Well we have all day because all of my other clients said they are not going to show, so go on." Ana didn't know what words to use so she just went with,

"Well you know, I wasn't always living in such a stable environment. Whenever I was a kid, we were poor. But we were always happy. When it was cold outside we snuggled up close to each other. I thought everything was going well and that we were all happy. Until one day my mother asked my father to go to the lake and of course I wanted to go with them. But my mother just said sorry but I have to talk to your father alone. At the time my father was fifty-six and my mother was forty-two and they had their differences and I thought that was all it was.

I thought everyone threw things when they got angry and I thought everyone screamed and hollered all of the time. So I grew up with a loud voice and I was very outspoken. Mostly because that was all I heard when I was little. But that one time I heard my father hit my mother. I then came in and saw him hitting her and that was the first time I ever helped my mother when he was hurting her. I did so by grabbing his hand and I told him that it was time for bed and I tucked him in. I guess I finally got tired of seeing her in pain.

I took care of my father for years. Because he couldn't take care of himself especially when he was drunk and he was drunk all of the time. That was okay with me because I adored my father and that one day my parents came back from the lake. I hated my mother. But only a little. it wasn't the most I have ever hated her. but it could have been worse. When they got home my dad went into his room that was really the living room where we all slept and he had started packing his bags. I knew exactly what was happening. He was leaving.

That was the last I had seen him in a while. I felt like it had left because he thought I was crazy so I blamed myself. until I had found someone else to blame. I thought that he had thought that I was crazy because I could see ghosts without anything to back up how I knew the past neighbors had died the way I saw them die. Even Without knowing anyone had died on the property. But in the time that i didn't see my father, i turned into him. because I was so angry at my mother that I would scream, yell, kick and fight. I was putting bruises on my own mother just because my father left. He may have been abusive, but I believed he still loved me and that may have just set me off the edge. but it didn't, it was only fueling my fire, my fire that burned so deeply, burning inside of me, all I needed was one more thing and I would go off the edge.

One day I came into the kitchen and asked why my mother sent my father away and she slapped me. I then went overboard and then a few months later it was still going on and so my mother took me to a place where no young little girl should go. I went to a place filled with people who hurt themselves and were being hurt by staff too. Usually, it was the boys. But when I found myself being hurt every night, for what felt like eternity, I was finally free. I was covered in bruises when I left. but when my mother asked what had happened I said that I fell down the stairs. Even Though, I knew that that was not true. There were no stairs that I could fall down in that place, only elevators. I hadn't seen the sun since I had been there and that sun was bright. But eventually I got used to the sunlight. I still wish it was always night time and the sun would go away. But it never does so I just deal with it."

The Therapist interrupted, "I can see why you would lash out but shouldn't you have forgotten by now?" I then answered, "Yes and I did. But that is only some of the problem. But I'm getting there." "Oh right, carry on." said the therapist and then I started,

"After I was done being broken and not being able to feel anything. I started feeling one emotion again, anger. The anger was tearing me down and one day I just snapped. I exploded like when you shake your soda and you twist the top off and it starts spewing everywhere. I learned that saying from one of my past therapists Mrs.Pat. So one day after I exploded my mother set me up with a therapist. A few months later my therapist quit and a few weeks after that my new therapist quit. Then I finally got attached to a therapist. Her name was mrs.Pat but even that wouldn't last after four years. She quit because I was going into middle school. My new therapist only lasted three weeks.But at that time with her, I explained that my dad had finally let me come over and I drank with him most of the time that I was there. It was terrible because I hated the way beer tasted. but I just wanted to make him happy. so I drank as much as possible without making a face. I wasn't the only child he had done this to i later found out that my two sisters Angel and Brianna Where being babysat by my father when my father then got them drunk and they went immediately to sleep but when my mother got home and tried to wake them up they could barely wake up and she had smelt alcohol on their breath and that when she had realized what my father had she scolded him after everyone went to bed so no one knew what was going on. My mother never liked fighting in front of us kids.In that time I learned how to ride horses, raise farm animals, and I learned how to use a bullwhip. I also got very badly hurt one day. But like always I saw the fun in it and I loved it. So even after i got badly hurt on a four wheeler while my dad was drunk i still kept doing it until one day i was fifteen years old and in eighth grade when me and my ex girlfriend at the time her name was jane. Where riding on her dads four wheeler when we took a sharp turn and it turned out to be way to much of a turn and we ended up flipping it on top of us i immediately pushed the four wheeler off of me and got up and she was having issues getting up so i helped her up like a gentlemen some might say but i don't picture myself as a guy i never have and i don't think i ever will." The therapist intervened, "I'm sorry but it's dinner time and I gotta get home to feed my kids and your parents are gonna be wondering where you have been all of this time." Ana then asked, "Wait, what time is it?"

Then the therapist's husband walked in and said, "honey, where have you been it is six o'clock?" Ana then chipped in and said, "Sorry Mrs.Rose was just on the way out, she was helping me with something very important." Mrs.Rose's husband then said, "Oh thats ok and my name is tony, you can call me Dr.tony. Anyways we should be off." Dr.Tony and Mrs.rose then cheered together, "Bye!" Before they even left Ana was already out the door waiting for a cab. On the way home She remembered the time where she was drowned by her own father in the lake he had sat on her while he was drunk and her head was underwater and she knew she was about to die when her brothers wife at the time came and pushed him off of her and got her out of the water and drove Ana home. She was about four years old. Ever since that day She never knew how to swim again and she never wanted to touch any liquid for many years after that. Then she heard knocking on the window where her head was laying and it was the driver telling her that she was home. She knew that she must have fallen asleep. She then gave her money to the driver and thanked him for bringing her home safely even though she didn't want him to because she hated her own life. She thought that she'd be better off dead especially after everything that she did. She really wasn't getting any good signs to tell her otherwise as well. She then walked up the steps to the Front door and got her keys out of her purse.