Dancing To Your Tune

The Morning After

Akk had fallen asleep but Ayan was wide awake. He stared at the boy in his arms. Akk was beautiful in every sense of word, boyish and youthful, a cinnamon roll if you'll. Ayan caressed Akk's cheeks staring intensely at the plump rosy lips, a little chapped but looking inviting nonetheless, yet he refrained himself. He wasn't morally weak no matter how close to crossing the line he came around Akk. The boy was nothing short of enigma, a strange and alluring one. He had thought he had Akk all figured out but the boy kept proving him wrong on every turn. He was fluffiest boy full of spice. He knew they couldn't pretend nothing was going on anymore. They'll have to address this stuff between them sooner rather than later. He just wished it wouldn't be end of something.

It was getting late and Akk hadn't woken up yet. Ayan decided to leave quietly. As much as he wanted to just lie beside Akk, he couldn't leave Amber alone at home. He wrote a note explaining his departure in case Akk worried about it. It was sometime in middle of night when Akk woke up groggily made his way to the bathroom. It came back to him in rush, everything that had transpired in the evening and with that came fear and mortification. He was ashamed to even look at himself in the mirror, a different kind of self loathing took root in his head. He jumped in shower feeling the need to get clean, his skin itched like something was trying to crawl out, a forced rubbing didn't get rid of it. He turned the shower to cold, hoping it was enough punishment for his mistake. Because that's what it was. A mistake. Just like him. A mistake.

He got under the cover, curling into ball, letting his tears fall down in rapid succession as he sobbed. He cried for so many things that night. For his parents, Ayan and himself. He kept owning Ayan every time. The boy had saved him from so many things and Akk hadn't done anything for him in return. He wasn't capable of doing anything in return. The self hatred is something he had always struggled with. Even though he could tell himself he didn't deserve it, that made no difference. No one had been louder than the voice in his head. Would Ayan hate him? Would he refuse to work with him? Would he tell others about his abnormality? Questions like these plagued him till the morning.

He took leave from the office. He couldn't pull himself together to face anyone today. He wanted to be left alone. He switched off his phone, not in mood to deal with anyone. He fell into fitful sleep, falling in and out of sleep many times. He stayed in bed not having energy to do anything.

Ayan had messaged Akk in the morning but received no reply. Maybe he should give Akk some space. He shouldn't barge in when the boy was feeling vulnerable. Akk was probably embarrassed about yesterday and didn't feel like facing anyone. He didn't mind giving Akk some space to deal with his emotions. He could wait for him. He was helping Amber with one her school project when he saw a post on one of his acquaintance's account. He froze in his track, it was announcement of engagement between the Kanaphan and Kanawut. What shook him was the photo of Akk and some other guy named Gulf who were confirmed to be dating and soon getting married.

Akk was getting married? His Akk? Oh wait, Akk wasn't his at all and seems like would never be. He was dating someone? Akk was in relationship and yet acted like that with him? Why? How could he not mention even once that he was dating? Had Ayan read all the signals wrong? He thought Akk was interested in him as well. Was it all in his head? They had been flirting all this while even the densest person would know that. Was Akk just playing along with him because he was bored? A fling before settling down? That's all he was to Akk? What had happened yesterday between them was practically cheating. How could Akk let it happen?

Ayan threw his phone on the bed. He couldn't afford to throw it at the wall no matter how angry he was. An icy rage took over. Ayan could let go of lots of things but he hated when someone made a fool out of him. Even more so when he gives his best for that person. He wasn't mad that Akk was dating. He had every right to. Akk definitely deserved someone of his status now that he knew he was heir of business tycoon. But what he couldn't forgive was being kept in dark. Was all that just an act? Was Akk just playing with him? For what? Some fun? Some laughs? Akk hadn't seemed like a person who would deceive anyone like that. But then again people were really good at pretending.

He gritted his teeth in anger, at himself more than Akk. He should have never let the boy in. He had built these walls around himself for a reason. Hadn't he already learnt his lesson? Wasn't that mess in college enough for him? The only thing he should be focusing on was Amber, nothing else should matter, definitely not love of all things. He wasn't meant for such things it was quite obvious. Not everyone is destined for happily ever after. He could live with that. The more important issue was facing Akk at work. Maybe he could get another producer? He definitely didn't want to deal with Akk after everything. Or he could just keep working with him without interacting at all. Most of the chapters were already outlined and it wouldn't be for long anyway. He could keep everything civil for that long at least. He didn't want to give Akk the satisfaction of rattling him.