Dirty Little Secrets

Chapter Six

     Someone was touching me. Who was in the room with me? Am I alive? I opened my eyes. It was mostly dark, but still light enough to see there was a figure. Dimitri sat next to me. I was propped up against the wall. 

     "Why are you here?"

     "I heard your dad screaming at you," he said.

     "That still doesn't explain why you're here."

     "I wanted to make sure you were ok. What happened to your wrist?"

     "Nothing. You should go. It's late," I said, even though I honestly wanted him to stay.

     "No. I'm not leaving until I know you're ok." 

     "If my dad finds out you're here he'll kill us both."

     "Well it looks like he already came pretty close to killing you, and if you ever go, I'm going too. I'm really not risking anything by being here," he said.

     "What do you mean if I go?"

     "If he kills you, I refuse to live. I'm not stupid Analise. I know what he does to you. It's pretty obvious."

     "He doesn't do anything to me. I think you should go."

     "I'm not leaving. I care too much. Now tell me what you did to your wrist," he demanded.

     "I cut myself, but I'm sure you've already figured that out."

     "Yeah, sorry. Why'd you do it?"

     "Don't really wanna talk about it."

     "Please, I'm trying to help."

     "Fine. You really want to know why? Because I always feel numb inside, and when I cut, I actually feel. I know I'm alive when I do it. You don't know what it's like to constantly be tortured by everyone around you, you don't know what it's like to want to be dead every waking hour of every waking day, and you don't know what it's like to get beaten by the ones who are supposed to love you. It just makes everything better for a little while. Call me "emo" or whatever you want you want. Everyone else does, it's not going to make a difference to me if you do too," tears fell down my face. Not from sadness, but from anger. It enraged me that I felt this way, that my life was like this. It enraged me to think that I deserved all of this. To get beaten and picked on. To be hated by my own family.

     The tears turned into sobs and I turned to Dimitri for comfort. He held me tight and didn't let go. I fell asleep with a new view on the world. A new perspective about everything in life. I thought maybe, just maybe for once, someone actually cared. That night, he didn't leave my side, and that gave me hope. Just enough to keep going.