Dirty Little Secrets

Chapter Ten

I couldn't breath, so I gave up. I did what I had wanted to do for so long. I finally did it. I gave up and left everyone behind. A part of me hated it though. While I was giving up, all of these thoughts came back to me. I imagined the man who did that to me. The man my father gave permission to rape me. I thought about how much I hated them. It was bad enough getting beaten by my father, but for him to go that low? For him to give another man permission to do that to me? I hated him. I hated him more then anything in the world. I hated that he would do that to me, I hated that he loved my sisters, but didn't give a damn about me, I hated that he'd stabbed me, that he'd thrown glass bottles at me, that he'd left so many scars on my body.

I thought about my mother. She knew everything that was going on, but did she do anything about it? Of course not. It was all about work. Nothing else mattered except for bringing in that big paycheck. She had to make sure she had enough money each weekend to go out with the girls so she could come home drunk and break every object in the house. She had to make sure that she could informed me of how horrible I was. How much I didn't matter to her, except when she needed someone to pick up the house or watch my sisters. She didn't care...Just like the rest of the world.

My sisters. Becca and Alex. That's what kept me alive for so long. I didn't think they were enough anymore. I figured eventually Kaelynn would get into their heads and make them hate me just as she did and always had. I pictured them smiling, acting like everything was ok just so know one would know what was going on at home. I remembered the summer I spent with Becca and Alex just sitting outside on the swings, telling each other secrets. Secrets that no longer mattered. Secrets that are no longer secrets. Ones that Kaelynn got ahold of.

All of my memories began to fade. Everything blurred and it all went black. I was slipping away. Slowly but surely. I opened my eyes once more to see the water around me, then closed them again. I slipped away. I thought for sure I was gone, but I wasn't. There was water splashing around me. Someone was in the water...