Dirty Little Secrets

Chapter Nine

     I dashed through the house, then out the door. I ran as fast as I could down the dirt road until I finally made it the waterfall. Before I could even make it into the water I fell to my knees. What had I done that was so horrible to my family? Why did they hate me so much? Was I really that awful of a person? I sobbed and sobbed until I was too tired to move. I couldn't handle life anymore. People always asking why I had cuts all over my body, people calling me emo and saying that I belonged in the ground? That wasn't the life I wanted for me, or for my sisters. I was so ashamed of the way I was. Kaelynn avoided me at school and told everyone I was adopted and that the only reason I had been taken in was because no one else was stupid enough to take me. I felt horrible for putting Becca and Alex through that. It wasn't there fault I was the biggest mistake in their lives at the time. It was my fault they had to fake smiles and had fake friends. Why did I have to be the sister that made their lives living hell? As for Kaelynn, her life was perfect, she was perfect.

     I began to cry again. This time, harder than before. I just didn't understand what I did. I believed I probably deserved it, I just didn't know why. I was tired of being the "obese" girl. It felt horrible to walk through your school and here people calling you "whale" and "elephant". At this point, no one knew my name, so I answered to their childish nick-names. Every time I walked through those halls I wanted to cry, hearing other girls complain about how they can't fit into a size zero, when you can barely fit into a size sixteen. That was brutal... and heart breaking.

     I stood up and walked along the edge of the water. I paced back and forth until I couldn't resist myself anymore. I jumped into the water and swam out to where the waterfall emptied. I got closer and closer then began to creep underneath. I finally made it completely beneath the waterfall then lost my balance. I sank to the bottom. The rush of the water was holding me down. I couldn't make it back to the surface. My arms began to flail and I lost all breath. My eyes slowly shut and I was trapped. Trapped at the bottom by the crushing rush of the water and there was nothing I could do but give up...and I did.