Help Me Heal

Chapter 12

Hank stood in the bullpen, just outside his office door, leaning against the door frame. The team were at their desks, apart from Dante and Kevin, who had been sent out to interview someone, and Kim, whose turn it was to fix coffee for everybody. She was in the canteen, crossing that particular item off her to-do list.

Right now, Hank's mind wasn't on the current case. His team were handling that right now and didn't need and fresh orders from him. Therefore, he was free to think about other things, specifically the future. He looked over to Kalinda's desk.

With her reading glasses on, she was working on her computer. Hank spent a moment looking at her leather boots under the desk. He couldn't claim she continued to wear leather to excite him because she had been wearing it before they gotten that far. Nonetheless, there the boots were, and there was also a leather jacket on the back of her chair.

Kalinda smiled slightly at something she read on her screen. Damn, such a beautiful woman, Hank thought. Being with her was delightful in many ways, but the fact remained that he was her immediate superior. Even with his scant regard for rules and regulations when they didn't suit him, Hank knew that if word got out that they were sleeping with each other that would be the end of Kalinda in Intelligence, and probably him too. And it would get out, in time. There were no secrets in a precinct full of cops.

"Here, sarge." It was Kim, bringing him his coffee.

"Thanks," he said distractedly, taking the mug from her.

"Everything okay?" she asked, obviously aware that everything wasn't, hence the question.

"Decisions to make," was all he was prepared to say.

Kim knew better than to push for more, and went back to the canteen for more mugs of coffee.

Decisions indeed. One option was to break things off with Kalinda. He didn't want to do that. There was no guarantee that a lasting relationship was going to form between them, but he felt hopeful that it might. He certainly didn't intend to walk away before giving it a chance to happen.

Another option was to let Kalinda go from Intelligence. He didn't need to float that idea to know how she would react to it. She had just quit a good job and moved to Chicago to take this position. It was obvious she wouldn't want to step down. Nobody would.

Option three was for Hank to quit himself. Weeks, maybe even days earlier that thought wouldn't have entered his head. Now it had. It wasn't something he wanted to do, but the thought was there nonetheless. He decided he needed to talk it over with someone. Kalinda wasn't the one to go to for obvious reasons. That left Erin.

-----

Fate had helped Hank out. Kalinda had told him she couldn't see him that night because she had been invited out by the friends she was staying with, and saying no would have been ungrateful and rude. That had left him free to spend the evening at home with Erin.

Now on day one of her new health kick, Erin had prepared a healthy dinner for them, consisting of chicken and lemon skewers, coated in yoghurt. It was not the kind of thing Hank would ever have made for himself, and that made it a nice change. He had decided to indulge himself with a beer, while Erin stuck with mineral water.

"Somehow, I'm feeling healthier already," Erin commented as they ate, sitting opposite each other at the dining table. "When I say healthier, I almost died at the gym today. Letting my fitness get so low is embarrassing."

"You'll get it back up," Hank said in an encouraging tone. "How was the rest of your day?"

"Jay called me again," she took pleasure in saying. Now Hank knew why she was in a good mood. "We talked for about an hour, about nothing in particular. It was just nice to hear his voice. I think he felt the same way."

Hank smiled, yet he wondered if Jay was calling Hailey for an hour. He doubted it, based on her evident unhappiness.

"How about you? Good day?" she asked after drinking some water.

"Yes, good," Hank said, glossing over that in order to get to what he wanted to talk about. "There's something on my mind, Erin."

"Kalinda?" she guessed, looking him in the eyes. It was timely reminder that his foster daughter also happened to be an FBI agent. Or, had been in her most recent role. Not much got past her.

"Yes. It might sound foolish to you given the amount of time we've known each other, but I really do think there might be some kind of future for Kalinda and I. I just... feel it. There's nothing else I can say to describe it."

"You might be jumping the gun a bit, Hank. You barely know the woman. Sure, hooking up with someone new, who you're strongly attracted to, can be intense. That doesn't mean you're going to end up in a relationship. Is Kalinda even looking for a relationship? Are you?"

To Hank, it felt like Erin had taken him apart in the space of a few sentences. But she was right, he had to admit. He had no idea what Kalinda wanted in the long term. In fact he didn't know what he wanted, not for sure. It had been so many years since he had lived with his former wife, was he really ready to co-habit with a partner again? Now the fact that he had been considering putting his papers in at work seemed pretty ridiculous.

"You look a bit hurt," Erin observed. "That obviously wasn't my intention. My point was to tell you not to let your emotions lead you to rash decisions. God knows if I had been able to follow that advise myself, my life wouldn't be such a mess. Don't make some of the mistakes I've made."

"That's reasonable advise," Hank admitted.

For a minute or two, they ate their food in silence. Hank was thinking about what Erin had said, and she was allowing him the time to do so.

"Being out of practice with relationships is difficult," Hank admitted eventually. "If you were in my position, what would you do?"

"Do? I'd do nothing. Let it take it's natural course for a while. Enjoy being with Kalinda. Let her enjoy being with you, if that's what she wants to do. It's not the time yet for anything more complicated than that."

Hank nodded slightly, thanking her. It was advice he intended to take.

-----

After dinner, Hank and Erin had retired to the living room, where a news show had ended up on the TV. Erin wasn't really watching it, instead absorbed in something on her phone.

It was Hank's own phone that caught his attention when the message tone sounded. Leaning forward, he picked the phone up from the coffee table. The message, he saw, was from Kalinda. It was a selfie of her with two other people, obviously the friends she was living with. They were probably all around the same age, although the two friends very much looked fifty, while Kalinda certainly didn't, as he had noted many times already. Her beauty never ceased to amaze him.

'Having fun, but thinking of you,' was the caption Kalinda had written.

Hank just looked at the picture for a while. Her pretty face. Hair up in the usual style that frustrated him. Gorgeous dark eyes that radiated warmth along with her smile. And he could see enough of her upper chest and shoulders to know that she was wearing a leather jacket. It was a very attractive picture of her.

Small talk was the opposite of something Hank was comfortable with, but he wasn't going to ask Erin for advice again. Once was fair enough, but from now on he had to handle things for himself, and in this context to be himself.

'Nice picture. Enjoy the night,' he texted back. Hardly the most romantic text ever, he was aware. But if Kalinda wanted a romantic, she was looking in the wrong place.

'Will do. Meet me for coffee before work tomorrow?' Kalinda replied.

'Sure. Let me know where and when.'

Hank waited a few minutes for something more, but nothing came. Nonetheless, he had a breakfast date to look forward to. That allowed him to sit back and relax with a smile on his face.

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A/N: How do you think Hank should handle the delicate situation? Was Erin's advise good?