𝐌𝐲 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐛𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐎𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐧(𝟏𝟖+) : '𝐇𝐢𝐬' 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝟐

Chapter 40 - out of control

(Triggering content. Please Don't read it if you're not comfortable)

Jk pov

These 5 days were like pure hell to me because only I knew how badly I wished the time to stop so that YN won't leave me in a week's time. It's been a hell of the time to live under the same roof with her even after knowing that within days I'll be all alone, struggling to move on in life. I have never been in such a situation where I'm not ready to let go of someone neither do I wished someone to stay beside me forever.

Keeping YN was a bad decision but letting her go is the worst decision ever especially when I never confessed my feelings even after she did it. I really do think that I'm a bad omen to her, but still she chose me and to be honest, I don't know how I felt when she said she loved me.

I am not a person who reminisce each and everything or moment in my head because once I'm over it, I'll erase those soon. But I guess YN is not someone whom I can erase from my mind and heart ever and I want to cherish all those moments with her from our day 1 till the last day, because those moments are meant to be kept in a special place in my heart and life which she painted beautiful.

I was a complete mess but when she came to my life as an uninvited and sudden guest, she completed me as a man. I love her.. I fucking love her a lot and it's really hard for me to push each second just with the thoughts of her leaving me soon.

These 5 days, I haven't slept peacefully. Already I have my insomnia issues and above that, my pain and agony got the worst of me and I always ended up in my bar where I drank too much as a way of escaping from reality because I think sometimes escaping from the reality gives us a temporary feeling of tranquility. Even after getting drunk, I couldn't just close my eyes as her face, her smiles, her laughs, her expression, her smirks flash across my mind. I was full of her, she made me a prisoner of her, her heart and now I'm stuck inside the trance which she set where I couldn't get out from. Not in this lifetime.

I badly wished to go to her room, slam open the door and express my love for her. I want her to know how I feel about her, how mad and crazy I'm for her that she could ever think of. She thinks I never loved her and used her as a sex toy or say for my pleasure as a fuckmate.
It's a fucking lie. I wanted to confess and pull her into my arms and say 'don't leave me' but 'do I deserve her?' is the question that comes to my mind and prevents me from going to her.

I spent sleepless nights and I'm tired of everything now. Accepting hyung's request was one of my worst mistakes and I'm regretting it so much because it's fucking hard to let her go. I'm going through one of the worst mental breakdown, still trying to remain powerful as how I'm to the world to hide my inner agony and helplessness. I have never been so helpless as how I'm being now.

These 5 days we rarely talked with each other. First of all, I came late mostly after she sleeps or probably when she's inside her room because I was training myself to be alone without her, to get her out of my mind. But I miserably failed in doing so and I had the urge to go to her, confess to her and say that I loved you more than anything and the feeling is mutual.

But I didn't want the weak side of me to take over my entire existence and I didn't want to face her. Moreover she too was trying to keep a distance from me as if she was also training herself to live a life without me.

We rarely spoke these days, but the silence among us spoke louder than the words, sometimes the intense eye contacts we had conversed more than we could in reality. I could read her eyes which were still screaming 'I love you and I don't have a choice since you don't want me'.