Claws & Crochet

Part 33

ZOEY

I slip one of the cassette tapes into the stereo, hit play, and gaze around the cabin as my mom's voice fills the room. The glimpse into her past paired with her superior music taste makes each new tape an enjoyable surprise. I savor them, only putting one on when I'm doing something productive.

Now I just need to figure out exactly what my productive activity will be.

The rocking chairs I've been working on are out in the front yard, their new coat of stain needing some time to dry. Minnie's closet is only half cleared, so there's that option.

But that task sets off an ache in my chest, and I shy away from the potential emotions paired with touching her personal items. When I decided to come to Pine Falls, I thought cleaning out the cabin would be a mind-numbing task. I figured as my hands kept busy, I could ponder my relationship with my family and what future I see for myself.

Hoping I could discover the balance between what I want, what I need, and what I'm capable of.

But Minnie's presence is everywhere, and I'm having trouble separating myself from thoughts of her.

After yesterday's interaction with Warner, I'm hoping for less emotion, not more.

After we stopped kissing, I drifted off to sleep. He may have, too, but by time I woke back up, Warner was staring down at me with a secret smile.

Also the rain had stopped.

In the moment, I had had multiple routes. I could have drawn his face down to mine and started up another round of making out. Or I could have taken advantage of his almost-naked state to move the interaction to the next level. Instead, I declared that his clothes were probably dry and asked if he wanted me to get them.

Warner had smirked down at me and said, "Whether I want them or not, it's probably better if I put them on."

When he was dressed, we stood quietly in the kitchen for some time. He watched me, and I tried to think straight with his entire focus trained my way.

"Are you looking for a hook up?" Maybe I could be the type of woman who allows herself pleasure without diving into deep emotions.

His eyes widened.

"If you are, I'm not judging you," I said. "I might be open to it."

"You might be?"

"Well, I'm not about to stroke your ego by begging you for it."

Warner's lips pinched together, but a snort still escaped.

Annoyance spiked through my chest. "Are you laughing at the idea of hooking up with me?"

"No, Zoey. I'm laughing at the idea that you'd have to beg me for anything when I'm following you around like a lovesick puppy."

The statement caused a strange tangle of emotions. I wanted to laugh at the image while I also fought the urge to cringe away at any mention of the word love.

It was just a joke. I remind myself.

Warner moved to stand in front of me.

"Let's start off simple. Did you like kissing me?" he asked, his voice a low rumble.

I nodded.

"Do you want to do it again in the future?"

"I would."

A grin split his face. "Then we're on the same page."

He kissed me, another slow, sweet press of his lips against mine. Then he snagged my phone, typed his number into it, and left.

And here I am, a day later, wondering if we actually are on the same page. Probably not. That would require me to know exactly what page I'm on. I'm not even sure I know what book I'm in.

I tick off facts as they stand.

I like Warner.

Warner lives in Pine Falls.

Pine Falls is temporary for me.

When I leave, I have no idea where I'm going.

I don't even know when I'm leaving.

These are all facts purely based on me. Warner has his own list, and it might include things like . . .

He's not looking for anything serious.

He's looking for something super serious.

He wouldn't mind leaving Pine Falls.

He's set down roots and wants to stay here forever.

And on and on the mysterious knowledge goes. If I felt in the right headspace, I'd have no trouble asking him to figure out the answers. Questions are my comfort space.

But I tend to stick to ones I want the answers to, and I haven't figured out what I want Warner to feel toward me.

I like him.

That's fine, I decide. It's perfectly fine to like someone.

The problems pile on when heavier feelings come into play.

"I won't fall in love with him," I say this to Bruce, as if my dog will hold me accountable. He raises his giant head from his plush bed for a moment, before settling down again with a sigh.

Huge help.

Thinking about Warner isn't productive. Time to get back to work.

The only task I can come up with that will keep me busy while avoiding deeper, potentially dark, emotions, involves cleaning out Grandma Minnie's pantry.

A tower of preserves awaits me.

The glass jars are cool in my hands as I begin to pull them out.

I focus on that feeling, using the chill to drive away the memories of warm, soft skin under my palms. There's even the temptation to press their cold surface to my lips in an attempt to make me forget the heat of his kiss.

Only, I'm not sure I'm strong enough to give that memory up.