If Only You Knew

4 - With Cassia's Help

April 2nd 2015 - The University of London, England

I sat in the empty chair next to Matt in his genetics class. The old professor was drawing a diagram showing the relationship between chromosomes, DNA and genes. Gosh this was boring, I'd read it all before. Even Matt wasn't really paying attention.

He stared blankly at the board, watching the black mark the white in lines demonstrating the point of the lesson. But he'd learnt this before, and all the while I stared at him.

The line of his jaw, solid, but with a softness to it, gentleness. I wonder what it felt like. But I'm sure I would know soon enough. Today we would visit Cassia.

It was a long weekend for some reason and so Matt was going to visit his sister and I was going with him. He thinks she'll do the spell with minimal questions asked. Which was good, I suppose. Matt was almost as anxious for the spell to be completed as I was. Which was also helpful.

The lesson finished soon enough and everyone left in a hurry. Matt headed to his room, and I followed quickly behind him, sticking to the edge of the hallway. As soon as he's there, the door is flung open and he walks inside and I walk in behind him, to stand beside him.

"Hey, are you alright?" I look down at his head, bent over his suitcase.

"Yeah, why?" He stops rummaging through his luggage to look up at me, running a hand through his hair.

"You seem jumpy, that's all," I bite my lip slightly and tilt my head, my hair falling forward, almost touching him.

"I'm fine, really," he straightens up and look down at me, a smile playing on his lips. "It's just, if everything goes well, you'll be back by the end of the weekend. I'm just nervous. That's all. I promise."

"Alright," I give a small smile in return and push my hair back. "I'm excited, but we better get going."

"Yeah, we best hit the road," he zips up his suitcase and we walk down to his car.

I climb into the passenger seat of his pick-up truck as he puts his suitcase in the back and climbs into the driver's seat. He pulled onto the highway before I knew it, and he was practically on autopilot the entire way.

We drove mostly in silence, a tense and nervous, yet excited, silence. Music played through the radio for a while, as the sky turned dark. Stars rose as the world around us flew past, the road racing beneath us. A few conversations were all that took place. I smiled as the wind swept through Matt's hair. I'd feel that soon. I'd feel again. And it would be magnificent.

After about 4 hours, we pulled off the highway into a small country town in the hills of England, then into Cassia's driveway. She lived in a small house made of white-washed wooden boards with a picket fence and flowers surrounding the property. It was a beautiful little house, it felt like home. Like the kind of place I wanted to live in. Somewhere I would want to settle down, start a family.

There was a swinging chair on the front porch with a colourful pillow on it, along with shoes and art supplies scattered over the porch, everything everywhere at once. It was nice.

I turned to face Matt in the car, his eyes meeting mine. Ready? He seemed to say, and I nod slightly. He gives an encouraging smile before climbing out of the car, and I quickly climb out after him and walk up to the door.

Raising a hand, he knocks on the black door and we hear movement inside.

A moment later, the door is opened by a young woman with Matt's eyes. She has brown hair with blonde at the base, the waves pushed back and held with a pencil. She wears a long red and purple skirt, as well as a loose white shirt. She appears shocked for a moment, before breaking into a smile.

"Matty," her voice is petite and quiet, yet has a great strength to it. Her smile is huge, and she grins at him, before turning to glance at me, her expression confused.

"Hey, Cass, can we come in?" He smile slightly at his younger sister. She raises an eyebrow but quickly lets us in. She leads us into a huge living area, full of mismatched couches and coffee tables and overflowing bookshelves.

"So, who are you?" She says it kindly, but she's wary of me, I can tell.

"Alice Whitehall, and I need your help," I give a small smile, but I'm nervous.

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"So, wait, wait, wait," Cassia closes her eyes and shakes her head slightly. "You're dead," she points to me, "and you need my help to come back?"

"Yeah, basically," it's Matt that speaks, and I simply smile beside him.

"You mean if I do some of my magic, you'll be human again? And you're Matt's soul mate?" We both nod at the floor, not meeting her eye. "Alright, let's do this."

"Are you sure you can do it?" I stare at her, she sure was easy to convince.

"Yeah, if I just focus, it'll be fine," she shrugs, as if she did this everyday. Maybe she did, I wouldn't know.

Her eyes spark as she gestures for me to stand in the middle of her living room, and I do. I stand in front of the fire and Matt stands, leaning against the doorway to the entrance hall. He gives me a reassuring smile as I turn my attention to Cassia. I meet her gaze as she nods and her eyes spark.

She begins to murmur under her breath and a cool breeze stirs through the room, rustling everyone's hair, even my own. A strange electric current runs through the air and Cassia closes her eyes, her murmuring getting louder and louder. Everything begins to swirl around us and I feel a pulling coming from my chest and abdomen. Like a rope pulling me back to life, back to being human.

The tug continues to become stronger, I hear Matt cry out, but my eyes are shut and I don't dare to open them. Pain consumes my body, lights flashing behind my eyelids. I can feel the world spinning around me. Is the spell going wrong? I put my hands over my ears as a high-pitched wail starts, reverberating around my skull.

Dizziness takes over me and my body sways. I stand with my legs apart and I sway side to side, in time with the electric current. I feel myself filling up, solidifying. It feels amazing, but the pain. Oh the pain. Please can it be over soon. I just want it to stop. If this is being human, do I really want it?

Suddenly everything stops, and I fall to my knees. I feel the thud of my knees against the wood of Cassia's floor. My long brown curls hang around me, slightly askew from their purple pins. The huge lilac gown spreads around me from that day, still-damp blood splattered on it. My hands rest in my lap and I stare at the floor.

Matt calls my name as he rushes over and kneels in front of me. He puts his hands on the side of my face and leans his forehead against mine and I close my eyes, breathing him in. I can feel him.

"Alice," my name is barely more than a whisper on his lips.

"Matt," my voice matches his as we simply breathe each other in.

I wrap my fingers around his arms, just above his elbows and then open my eyes, meeting his gaze. Those sapphire eyes meet my own and I feel the connection between us and a smile plays on his lips. My mouth breaks into a huge grin of its own and I don't know how long we sit there, breathing each other. Entwined in each other.

But I do know one thing.

I'm alive again.