If Only You Knew

14 - Until He Spoke

April 17th, 2015 - Whitehall Manor, Northern England

The days were all passing slowly. It was basically a process of Cassia and I channelling each other's power, Marie and Charles keeping the house in order, and Matt and Andrew just trying to do whatever they could.

Cass and I stood back-to-back, our hair twisting together in the breeze blowing around us. The breeze was all thanks to me, and Cass was working on making the ground shake. I could see Matt and Andrew standing back amongst the trees, watching us warily. I could see my breeze moving their hair a little, but then I closed my eyes.

I channelled my magic through Cassia, and hers through me, as it strengthened the both of us. I kept my breathing steady as I urged my energy to last as long as possible. The magic pulsed beneath my skin and I could feel it rushing through my veins, like a current along the surface of me.

The ground started to shake around us, but not beneath us, and it didn't affect Matt and Andrew where they stood. But everything else started to shake around us, trees, the water in the river nearby, grass started to uproot itself and then we both cut off the power flow suddenly and everything died down.

"Oops," Cass looked around and bit her lip with a tiny laugh.

"Oh well, I'm sure Marie wont mind," I give a small laugh as the boys walk over.

"That was, um, terrifying," Matt has his hands in his pockets as he gives a small laugh, then puts him arm around me.

"Thanks, that's what we were aiming for," Cass gives a huge smile and rolls her eyes as she leans back against Andrew.

"Well, you scared the life out of us," Andrew smiled down at her as she laughed and I leaned into Matt's chest. I smile as I breathe him in, my pulse instantly calming.

"Is it dinner yet?" Cass questions, turning to look at Andrew.

"It's on 3:30 Cass, we just had lunch," Matt raises his eyebrows at her and laughs, and I feel it against me, rumbling through his chest.

"Well, we can easily share magic now, we can probably stop for the day," I give a small shrug and smile, looking over at Cass.

"Yeah, we can," Cass smiles at me and we nod. "I'll be in the kitchen."

She walks quickly back towards the house and Andrew follows behind her. Matt takes my hand and we walk back to the house together. We walk in silence, close together with our hands twisted around each other's. We walk in the back door and up to my room, all without speaking.

"I'm going to have a bath and try and relax," I give him a small smile and walk towards my bathroom, where I let the water start to fill the tub and I add some bubble bath mixture that Marie gave me.

I leave the water and walk out to my wardrobe, past Matt who's checking his phone, and grab some clothes to change into before going back into the bathroom and closing the door. I put my clothes on the bench next to the sink and lean on my hands, looking at myself. My eyes are so tired, my skin is pasty and my hair hangs limp. The magic is taking it out of me. Magic sharing is tough. I'm just so tired. I watch the bath fill behind me, then walk over and turn the tap off. I quickly slip out of my clothes and climb in.

The hot water warms me up I close my eyes, the bubbles surrounded me. I lean my head back against the edge of the tub and the water covers me to my neck and then the bubbles go up another few inches. I lay there for a few minutes when I hear the door open and Matt's voice.

"Mind if I come in?" His voice sounds nervous, and my eyes flicker open.

"Sure," I give a small smile as he walks over and sits on a wooden stool behind my head.

"Want me to wash your hair?" 

"Sure," I close my eyes again, but sit up against the end of the tub, leaning forward a little.

He grabs a glass from the shelf and scoops water up to soak my hair. I lean my chin on my knees as my hair gets completely soaked and then he puts some shampoo on his hands and starts massaging it into my head. I close my eyes as his hands move across my scalp, rubbing my hair. 

Eventually he stops and starts running water through my hair again. And then I feel his fingers running through the ends of my hair, coating them in conditioner.

"I can't wait until this is all over," I mumble a little through my knees.

"Neither can I," I didn't think he'd heard me, but I gave a small smile. "I want us to get married."

I turn my head around, looking at him in shock. "Seriously?"

"Yes," he goes a light pink and runs a hand through his hair. "Well, we are soulmates, that's how you're human again, Alice. It just seems sensible. It seems normal. It seems right."

"Oh, I suppose it does," I mumble and turn back around so he can wash out the conditioner. But what if I die? It's the question I can't voice, but I don't want to give him false hope of a happy future. But it's the only thing I want in the world.

Before I know it, I'm alone in the bathroom again and I'm climbing out and drying myself down with a towel. I pull on the long dress that I'd brought in with me and turn on the hair dryer, running it through my hair, and that's when I break.

The tears roll down my cheeks and they won't stop. I leave the hair dryer on the cover the sound and wait for myself to stop. I slide down onto the tiles and wrap my arms around my legs, leaning my head on my knees. 

I shake on the cold tiles for I don't know how long until I finally stop and turn off the hair dryer, letting my slightly damp hair dry itself as I put some mascara on to hide my red and puffy eyes. I give myself one last look in the mirror before I walk back out to my room, and then Matt and I walk to dinner.

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A few hours later I'm leaning on my balcony rail watching the moon, counting down my time by night. Parts of my hair are pinned back but my hair still blows around me and I pull a loose cardigan tighter against my in the cold breeze. I hear Matt approach before he is next to me.

I give him a small smile and look back up at the moon. "Did you mean what you said before?"

"Of course I did," he looks at me, shocked that I had to ask. "Did you not want me too?"

"No, no, not that," I look down at my hand, gripping the stone railing tightly until my knuckles turn red. "It's just that there's so much going on, I wondered how you'd even had time to think about it."

"You're all I ever think about, Alice," my head snaps up and his eyes meet mine with a small smile. "I love you, Alice."

"I love you too Matt, but we have bigger things to worry about," I give a small shake of my head.

"But I don't, I can't, Alice," he looks at me with such urgency, and I have to meet his gaze, and his voice is steady for the first time tonight. "I love you more that I love helping others, I love you more than I love Cass, I love you more than your parents loved you, I love you more than the sun loves the moon, I love you more than people love God."

I can't speak, I'm completely speechless.

"Loving you feels more natural that gravity, the cycle of the moon, the flow of rivers," he seems so desperate to get it out, and I simply let him. "My love for you is like a wildfire, or a hurricane, or a tsunami, an earthquake. I love you Alice." 

He takes a step towards me and puts his hands on my face. I'm forced to look up at him and our gazes meet just before our lips do and his hands tangle in my hair.

And to think that for a moment, just a moment, I'd accepted my fate, I'd accepted I was going to die. I'd accepted it until he spoke.