Screw Ups (Jake x Johnnie)

Stream

TW!!!!! SELF HARM******

Johnnie POV:

"what the fuck johnnie" i think to myself. "why are you doing this?" the thoughts continue as i debate whether or not to bring down the blade.
"is it worth it? im sure no one will notice, i need to do it now" rapidly, the dark thoughts flash in and out of my mind. The overwhelming urge to watch blood drip down his arm the way it used to washed over me again, before i bite my hand and quickly drag the sharp object across the area right below my elbow.
Again, and again, and again, continuing until at least 10 deep red lines appear, blood droplets begining to leak.
Instantly, regret hits me. Why the fuck would i relapse? i didnt even have a good reason? My heart is pounding so loud i can hear it over the blasting music in my room. "I cant stop now." i think to myself, before slowly and shakily bringing the blade back down.

jake pov:

"JOHNNIE!" i yelled down the hall, beaming with excitement, talking to my life that im going to tell him about the new place i wanted to take him for a video today. The usual loud music was coming from his room, and i wasnt sure if he heard me.
"JOHNNIE CAN I COME IN?" i knock on his door, a little louder this time, lowering the camera before opening the door. I didnt want to accidentally show him on my live if he didnt want me to.

"jake get the fuck out" he quickly muttered, tossing something behind his bed and scurrying to hide himself.

"Wait what? what happened?" I asked before my gaze directed to his pale tattoo covered arm, dripping and puffy with multiple bloody cuts along it. Holy fuck, i think.

I move as fast as i can and turn off my live, dropping my new camera on the chair in his room, then running over to his bed to help him.

JOHNNIE POV:

Why the fuck did i do this? why did jake come in? was he streaming? i cant do this?

I start to panic in the few short seconds that i have to process everything. I promised jake i would stop. I did stop, for almost 5 months. He wasnt meant to find out, no one was, and now im pretty sure his whole stream saw me like this. i feel fucking pathetic.

"Jake please just leave it's nothing don-"

"Johnnie what happened? Why didnt you say anything to me?" Jakes voice shook as he spoke.

I felt horrible. How i feel wasn't important, but seeing jake so upset broke me. I did this to him, and i couldnt stand it. Putting my head aside, i tried to get up.

"Johnnie please." he grabbed my hand, and even though the moment may not have been right, i felt my heart flutter for a slight second. He must have done that so he wouldnt touch any cuts on my arm. Hes so fucking caring i dont deserve it.

"Listen i just.. im so sorry Jake. Im sorry please just let me-"

"Dude.. stop hey, relax. Its gonna be okay. Dont be sorry, i just wanna make sure youre okay. got it?"

I nodded my head. I seriously dont deserve him.

I tried to listen to Jake, i sat back down next to him, wiping my tears and attempting to calm my breath. I see him open his arms and offer me a hug, Usually i would reject this, but i really needed it now.

JAKE POV:

Holy fuck i dont know what to do i feel awful. i just want to help him, but its like nothing i do helps. Im not experienced with this kind of stuff, ive never had to do this before, for me or anyone else. I just sat there, Johnnie in my arms, sobbing slightly.

"Okay um lets just um.. here let me take you to the bathroom and i will help you with the bandage and all that. You dont have to tell me anything i just wanna.. you know.." i sniffled

I feel so useless.

"No, jake its okay, i can do it, i swear."

And just like that johnnie got up and anxiously walked out the door and towards the bathroom.
I zone out for a minute, thinking about what just happened, until i hear the water running in the bathroom. Suddenly, im brought back to reality.

"Fuck..." i sigh.

My eyes dart around the room, eventually landing on the new camera i had thrown down on johnnies chair. I look away, and then back again. Oh fuck.. please dont be.

I walk up to the camera to see the small red light still flicking, my eyes widening. The stream was on this whole fucking time. I take a slight glance at the chat;

>OMG WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
>jake???
>wait is this real
>OMG THIS IS SO SAD
>no this has to be fake
>emo asf
>JAKE WAS THE CAMERA SUPPOSED  TO BE ON?
>oh shit

oh my fucking god.. I looked at the camera in shock, before properly making sure its completely off.

What the fuck did i do.

870 words!