Homophobic | Daerin

Chapter 6. Thoughts

DANIELLE POV

After that small argument I had with Haerin at her house 2 days before, I decided to be alone. I mean it's not my fault that I felt utterly shock by her sudden confession right? We were just fooling around watching movie together at first when suddenly I found her mood kinda shifted a bit.

But who am I kidding, I just plainly pinned her down on her bed and when I remembered it correctly, our face were really closed to each other. I can almost feel her hard breath on my face but maybe I was too busy studying her flustered face to anaylize anything else.

Then when she pushed me aside and asked me to leave, I'm not gonna pretend like it's nothing because it hurts like hell!

I understand that maybe she needed her space but I'm her best friend and she should be able to tell me everything.

That's why I didn't leave and decided to hold her to show that I'll always be there for her. But apparently I just made it even worst when she had a breakdown in front of me.

And when she confessed that she has feelings for me... Oh gosh! I didn't know what to think or say at that time. She even apologized to me just because she has a feeling more than just a bestfriend. I mean no one should ever feel guilty to have feelings for anyone right but being the coward as I am, I just left.

There are a lot of mixed feelings inside of me now. I don't know if I have feelings for her like that but I do know I always love her.

She always being there for me. When my first boyfriend dumped me, she's just there to hold and comforted me. When I missed my late dad too much, she'll entertain me and make me laugh until I forgot the pain for awhile. Her family is too nice to me. I know they love me dearly like their own daughter. When my mom is too busy, and I never blame my mom because she has her own reason, but Haerin's family will always make it up for it. Haerin is totally the best thing that I have the privilege to have, but now I don't know if I still have the privilage or not.

We seldom involved in a relationship with anyone. I don't know whether it's a coincidence or what not but I can't even maintain my previous relationships. And Haerin just don't want to involved herself with anyone because for her she prefered to enjoy her single life and that she will always have time for me. It's such a sweet thing coming from her that time but now when I think back about it, did she already have feelings for me back then?

Sigh..

I'm such a horrible person and friend to be so oblivious in this situation! Maybe sometimes I realized she's being quite flirtatious and affectionate, but best friend do that everytime right? We always tease each other and sometimes I can see her blushing and I can't lie but to admit that's one of the beautiful sight of her. With her long brown hair and her kinda tan skin, she will never can hide when she blushed. And don't ever forget about how mesmerizing her eyescat are. I can never look at anything else when her stunning eyes yes decided to stare at me randomly and when I asked her why she'll just shrug it off.

She is really beautiful outside, but she has even more beautiful personality as well. Owh wait! Why am I thinking every little details about my best friend like this? I'm not...' bent' right? I'm straight as pole, as an arrow or anything straight we can have. I've always been taught by my grandma that those bent people is some kind of abomination to the world. They shouldn't exist and that she will never tolerate that kind of behaviour. I'm straight.. Right??..
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I skipped class today as well. It's been two days and my mom already bugged me about it. I just simply told her that I'm not feeling well and being the only favourite child that I am, my mom just allowed me to do so. She even called the principle to inform about my absent. She is the best mom ever and I wonder what's her opinion about LGBTQ community..