Sickening

Chapter 2

As I swallowed my pills, they burned dry down my throat.

Elias was out at work, and I had the house to myself. This was the first time I was alone in the house, because Elias had taken some days off of work to help me get settled properly. He told me he worked at a hospital as a nurse, and I'm not going to lie the word hospital made me antsy. But of course it was a normal hospital for normal people with injuries and issues, not a hospital for people like me.

Finding out my host was a nurse made me nervous and hopeful. Surely that meant he'd take good care of me, but it also meant he would be monitoring me all the time and he would know if something was wrong.

That made me nervous. I can't hide problems from him.

I wasn't sure what to do with the empty house. I still wasn't that comfortable in the space. I felt like an intruder in a house that wasn't mine, which was basically true. Looking around, I wondered why someone with the job he had didn't live in a nicer place. He probably got a lot of money, doing what he does, but he lives in a small cottage like modern house. Not that I would know anything about working, I never really had a stable job, ever.

Getting through high school was bearable, but finding a job after was hell. I couldn't afford any post-secondary education, not that I would have excelled in college, I sucked at everything in high school as it was. After high school, I was just focused on myself. My brother tried to get me a job, and I worked at the register of the local super market for a couple months but I was fired because of my attendance record. That was around the time I started getting bad.

I started having more frequent episodes because I started lying about taking my medicine. I would throw them out when my brother wasn't looking because I felt more normal when I didn't take my pills because normal people didn't have to take medication.

It all just got really bad, and I don't like thinking about it.

I stood up and decided to wander into the living room and try to figure out the TV. I was in the hospital for almost a year, that was how fucked up I got. It was so bad I needed nearly a year to get back to a stable state of mind, and even then my brother didn't want me back.

Stop. I scolded myself for reminding myself of how my brother didn't want to house me any longer.

Grabbing the remote, I pressed the power button and the smart TV lit up. A random basketball station started blearing and I winced at the loud screen. I turned down the volume to almost silent and switched channels a bunch of times before settling on a random sit-com high school show. I let it play, but I wasn't really paying attention.

I used to have a TV in my room, back at ho- my family house. I also used to have a phone, and headphones. But they were taken when I was sent to the mental hospital, along with everything else of mine. They said I would get it back. I never did.

My eyes focused on the TV again. Normal teenagers at a normal high school. I felt sick.

I suddenly stood up, turning away from the screen. I'm hungry. I thought as I walked back into the kitchen. I had been staying here for around three days and living with Elias was somewhat calm. We talked, occasional small talk and he made dinner every night. We didn't really make contact other than dinner time and when it was time to take my meds.

I opened the fridge, but nothing looked appeasing to me so after a not so careful consideration I decided to starve, tricking my mind into thinking I ate.

Stop. Those were old habits, and I needed to get rid of them. I opened the fridge and hastily grabbed an apple. Completely forgetting about the TV, I made my way to my room and closed the door behind me. I sat down on my bed and stared at the apple. I could only get down two bites before I had to place it aside.