Sickening

Chapter 8

No matter how long I stared at the ceiling, the visual nor my thoughts changed.

I was confused. Elias had basically confessed his feelings to me, and I didn't know what to do. It's been a couple days since his confession, and I haven't been able to make another move, because I'm still processing. He likes me, he said it himself, but I wasn't sure if that was an invitation to take it further.

Although our feelings were out there, nothing changed. I just felt a little more conscious about his feelings and how they matched with mine, but we still ate together everyday, he still reminded me to take my pills, we still cuddled in his bed at night, but we didn't speak of our conversation a couple nights ago. I was getting impatient, I knew now after thinking on it that I wanted more. I don't care if it's early, I don't care if I sound delusional, I loved Elias. Perhaps, I don't even know what love is?

I wanted to know. I wanted to know what it was like to hold hands romantically, and go on dates, and kiss. Oh god, I wanted to kiss Elias, so bad.

"Hey! What are you up to?" His voice shook me from my daze and I sat up on my bed. "Just thinking," I answered, rolling over and grabbing the notebook sitting on my bedside table. Elias had bought the notebook for me a while back, but I hadn't found a use for it yet. I'm thinking maybe I'll use it as a diary of some sort, just something to get all my thoughts out.

I started to scribble on the page, still very aware of Elias slowly walking closer. I felt him first before I saw him, his hand resting on my lower back, before the mattress dented as he sat. I was mindlessly doodling in the notebook, since I didn't want Elias to read what I was thinking. "How are you feeling?" He asked me.

My hand continued to messily sketch a very bad flower into the paper. I was never an artist. "Good," I hummed. "Brilliant, hungry?" He continued. I hummed unsurely. "Not really.." "Okay.." His body dropped down beside me and he stretched out his long limbs, his arm resting around my waist. He seemed very calm at that moment.

Maybe now was my chance to ask him. Ask him what? I don't know, I just wanted answers.

"Elias," I mumbled, closing the book. "Mm?" I turned over so I could be face to face with him. "About the other day.. what exactly did you mean? The conversation kind of ended before I could really think about an answer." Elias lifted his head to look at me, a calm smile resting on his lips. "I didn't need an answer, I just wanted you to know how important you are to me," He replied.

I felt warmth burst through me, my stomach fluttering at his words and I hated myself for it. "But I want to give you my answer.." I whispered, a couple minutes of silence following after. "I'm all ears," Elias smiled at me, his fingers stroking my cheek softly. "I like you too," I immediately blurted out before I could stop myself. "I know," Elias chuckled.

My cheeks painted red, I hid my face in his shoulder bashfully. I caught myself before I could ask if he likes me too because he's already told me like a hundred times. "So what does that mean?" "What do you want it to mean?" I knew what I wanted.

But I didn't want to say it, so instead I pressed my lips softly to his collarbone, leaving them there for a moment. I want to kiss him, I want him to kiss me.

His chest rumbled with a noise I couldn't decipher and I took it as an invitation to brush my lips down to the neck of his shirt. "Theodore.." I felt his whisper against my ear and I shivered. His fingers guided my chin up and his lips were on mine before I could breathe. The way his fingers curled around the back of my head had me pressing against him harder, his hands clutching around his shirt. I let out a sound that sounded very close to a small moan and pulled away, breathing heavily against his lips.

"Elias.." I breathed, and he pulled me back in for more before I could inhale again. His lips were sweet and plump, just as I had imagined many times before. His hands smoothed down my back before sliding back up, underneath my shirt. I shuddered, a moan bubbling up my throat. His nails lightly scratched down my back and goosebumps appeared all over my skin, my body arching into his. "Elias," I repeated.

"Tell me what you want, Theodore," He murmured into my ear. "I want you," I spoke breathlessly. "Want you so bad."

His lips were ravishing me again and I relished in it. Then his lips swept down the side of my neck, pecking and brushing along my skin until his lips settled in a spot where he sucked harshly. This was very new for me, and I was liking it quite a lot.

I felt his tongue lick back up my neck before he placed a kiss right under my ear, little bumps reappearing all over my skin. "You have me," He mumbled against my skin, his voice shaking my body to the core. But he didn't go any further, he only kept kissing up and down my neck, switching sides lazily as his hands caressed the dips of my lower back. I knew he could feel my excitement, but he didn't act on it. I was sort of glad, because I didn't know what I would do if we continued this. I might just go feral.

I have no sexual experience except for the time I made out with my high school girlfriend, but that wasn't really experience, and I knew that if we progressed now I would go absolutely insane with the need to feel him, everywhere. I've never felt this way, and I couldn't help but want to explore this new part of me that Elias unlocked.

Eventually I fell asleep to the lullaby of his soft lips and gentle hands, my face smushed into his chest. It was nice, to feel this safe.

****

When I woke up I felt strangely disheveled, my eyes blurry with exhaustion. I was still in my bed, but Elias was no where to be found. I sat up slowly, blinking the tiredness away as I looked around the room as if Elias was hiding up against the wall or under the desk.

The room was a lit by the crimson sunset reflecting on the grey walls. My room was plain, which was expected since we haven't really done anything to make it feel like mine. The floors were plain polished wood, the walls a medium grey with a simple ceiling light fixture hanging in the middle of the bedroom. A desk was pushed up against a wall, a small wooden chair accompanying it, and to my right there was a window. The dresser filled with my clothes stood off to the side, and I stood and made my way over to it to change.

I was a little sweaty from my nap. I hated sweaty naps.

After changing into a fresh pair of shorts and a shirt, I went to find Elias. Of course, I found him in the kitchen and I immediately made my way over, ducking under his working arms to kiss him. He hummed in surprise, putting down whatever he was doing to steady his hands on my hips. I gripped at his shoulders before sensually gliding my arms around his neck and leaning up on my tippy toes to get more. He groaned and pulled back, a short chuckle leaving his swollen lips.

"Hungry?" He teased. I rolled my eyes and shoved him playfully, walking around the kitchen island to sit at the counter. I grabbed my pill container and popped my pills dry, tossing it across the counter before sighing. "Soooo... does this mean we're dating?" I asked. My words drew a laugh from his lips as he continued cooking whatever he was making. "Is that what you want?"

I looked at him hopefully, nodding optimistically. "No need to give me the puppy dog eyes, Theo.. Like I said earlier, I'm all yours." His words warmed me up and I smiled, happiness flooding through my bones like never before. I can't remember the last time I felt so happy. No one has ever accepted me like Elias has.

I couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the day, and when we finally laid down to sleep, I had an extra good sleep.