Sickening

Chapter 3

Routine was something I appreciated a lot.

Not just because of my disorder, but in general. Me as a person, I like routine. I like knowing what's to come in my day. I hate the unknown.

Elias clearly did some research about my illness because he kept our days very routinely. We'd wake up, eat breakfast, he'd go to work, I would watch TV and eat leftovers from the previous day's dinner, he'd come home, we'd cook dinner together because I liked helping and he liked keeping me busy, we'd eat then we'd go to bed. It was simple and just what I needed.

It only changed on the weekends when he was at the hospital for less hours. He came home early afternoon on weekends and at first we didn't really acknowledge each other, but eventually we started hanging out. He coaxed me into watching basketball with him which as very boring for me but I still enjoyed it because we sat together on the couch. He asked me to help him bake cookies, which was fun but also stressful because it got messy quickly, but I still enjoyed it, especially the outcome.

I was starting to feel comfortable with my new lifestyle. It had been almost a week now, and I was truly starting to feel content. Maybe not happy yet, but we were getting there.

I haven't had any outbursts yet, which was unsettling. I usually had little ones over tiny situations, but everything's been so fine lately that nothings set me off. I was waiting to fumble this perfect lifestyle and finally reveal how fucked up I am. Elias was only being so nice to me because he's only seen the pretty, not the ugly.

I woke up feeling weird, so I immediately took my meds. I didn't talk much at breakfast and Elias immediately knew something was up. He asked if I was okay and offered to stay home and help me feel better. I rejected his offer with the excuse that they needed him at the hospital. He seemed concerned but agreed and left shortly after breakfast.

I decided to take a shower. I had only taken one since I moved in because I'm very bad at hygiene, and maybe a shower will shake me out of whatever mood I'm in. I made the water ice cold which left me awake and shivering by the time I was done. Walking back to my room with a towel around my waist, I paused in the doorway when I realized I had no clean clothes to put on. The only clothes I had were my sweatpants, tank top and a T-shirt which were all dirty.

My eyes wandered to Elias' bedroom door and I wondered if he would mind. I really hope he wouldn't mind because I didn't want to wear dirty clothes no matter how bad I was at hygiene. But what if he got really mad that I went into his room and took his clothes? I froze again when I realized I did this back at home too. I was too lazy to do my laundry so I just started stealing my brother's clothes.

Stop. I stopped myself before I could think on my brother any longer. Elias won't mind, he's so caring after all.

I pushed his bedroom door open slowly, taking in the room. It was decorated nicely, filled with things he could call his own. It made me wonder if all of my personal belongings were still in my room back at home. I shook the thoughts away, tiptoeing into the room as if I was too loud I would be caught. I tried to go straight to the closet, I really did, but of course my attention was stolen.

My eyes scanned over the framed pictures sitting on a shelf above the desk. There was a picture of a younger Elias wearing the graduation robes, smiling into the camera while he held the plaque with all of his achievements on it. The next picture was a golden retriever dog laying on it's back, panting at the camera. I smiled softly at that picture. The next one was Elias standing on a bridge with the ocean behind him, and beside him stood.. a girl.

She was pretty. Blonde, skinny and smiling beautifully. And Elias had his arm around her waist, her arm around his shoulders as they stared at the camera. Something was bubbling inside of me, and suddenly the mood my shower had washed away was back. They looked happy in that picture. I wondered who she was. Whoever she was, I didn't like it. Why didn't I like it?