Sickening

Chapter 6

I felt the tears well up in my eyes, the unbearable feeling of throwing up everything except my brain washing over me.

A disgusting taste settled in my mouth and I slumped against the bathtub, wiping my mouth. I ate too fast, and my stomach was upset with me. I was used to throwing up my meals after I ate them, something to do with whatever eating disorder I had. If I don't eat slowly and I eat a lot I will throw it up.

I felt the tears spill over my eye lids, dripping down my cheeks. I pulled my knees to my chest, my stomach still terribly hurting. I cried silently, hoping I was done with my heaving, but of course, my suffering never ends.

I hunched over the toilet again, heaving uselessly. I had nothing more to throw up, but my body was mad with me for eating so fast and now I was facing the consequences. My tears hit the floor as I flushed the toilet, curling up again. A knock on the door made me flinch.

After breakfast I had excused myself to my room where I was reading a magazine I found in the living room until my stomach started to hurt violently, and now I'm here.

I sniffled and stayed deathly still, as if I pretended not to exist Elias would move on. However, that wasn't the case. He knocked again. "Theodore?" He spoke quietly. I didn't answer, staring down at the cold bathroom floor, unconsciously scratching at my thigh. The tears wouldn't stop. "Theodore? What's going on in there?" The doorknob jiggled, but the door didn't budge. I locked it.

I started shaking, my breaths coming out short and quick. I'm hurting, my stomach hurts. I leaned over the toilet bowl again but only this time I let out a sob. I can't breathe.

"Theodore, please let me in!" He sounded panicked. I crawled over to the door, standing shakily. I needed to be in his arms. After fiddling with the door handle I finally got the door opened and I fell right into his arms, sobbing into his chest. "Shh.. you're okay now.." He mumbled, his features cracked with concern. He held me close and I curled into his body, Elias lowering us both to the floor. "Oh.. Theo.." He whispered sadly, his fingers running over my stinging thigh.

I was having a meltdown, and it was strange that I never noticed the signs. But he did.

He hooked my arm under my legs, his other on my back and held me like that, hushing me softly. I just cried and cried, because it hurt and I couldn't deny my feelings. Once I had emptied myself of tears, I stared blankly at nothing, feeling sad. My thigh itched and my fingernails latched onto my skin. "No, no.. hey.. don't do that," He cooed, holding both my hands to his chest. "You're bleeding.." He whispered. I finally looked down to see my tainted skin, blood drops dripping down my leg and into his lap. 

My face contorted into sadness and I looked away, hiding my face in his chest. "I'm- I'm sorry.. about this morning.." I stuttered, my voice hoarse and weak. "Shh.. it's all okay," He crooned, cradling my body like fragile glass. "Pills, shit," He whispered. "I'm sorry, I was so caught up in trying to figure out what was going on in your head that I forgot about your pills.." He hushed. I sniffled, shaking my head. "My fault too," I insisted.

"Can you tell me.. what happened?" He asked carefully. I swallowed harshly, the bitter taste still lingering in my mouth. "I just think too hard, and I don't know why I did what I did. I do things for no reason, it's just.. me, I guess.." He nodded encouragingly. "And.. if I eat a lot and quickly, I end up throwing it up.. because my body isn't used to that much food in one sitting.." "Eating disorder?" Elias asked in a whisper. I nodded against his chest.

"My sister had one.." He mumbled. "They didn't put an eating disorder in your file.." "Because when I left the hospital, it was gone." I wiped my face against his chest. "But it's back?" He questioned, his hand sliding up my shirt and resting on my back. I sighed, relaxing against him. "Never left.." I muttered. "Can we lay down together..?"

He hummed in agreement, picking me up almost effortlessly. "Do you still feel sick?"

"I feel better.."

"Good, wanna watch something?"

I looked towards the TV, nodding. He placed me down on the couch and hurried to the kitchen quickly. I didn't question it, reaching for the controller. He came back with my pill container, a glass of icy water and a first aid kit. He put the items down on the coffee table, sitting down on the floor next to the couch. He handed me my pills and I downed them silently. "Can you sit up for me?" He asked politely.

I pushed myself up so I was leaning on the arm of the couch and he opened the kit. First he cleaned me of blood with a rag, then he disinfected the cuts before bandaging up my thigh. After he was done tending to my wounds he slipped under me and settled on the couch. Some random show was playing but I couldn't be bothered as his warm hands slipped up my shirt and caressed my back. I hooked my face in his neck, breathing in his husky scent.

After that day, he monitored my eating habits closely which usually I would hate, but it was Elias so I didn't mind. Anything he did fed my delusions. He also gave me small portions that I couldn't make myself sick over.

It's now been five weeks living with Elias. We were going out today, just a walk but I was still nervous about it. I spent a good hour just choosing an outfit, and even then the one I ended up choosing I hated. Then I tried to fix my hair a little, but it just wasn't cooperating. Finally, we were getting ready to go when his phone rung. I miss my phone.

He shoved the phone between his ear and shoulder, picking it up while multitasking with his shoes. "Hello?" He answered. I watched him as he listened to the other line, his face contorting into disappointment, confusion, sadness. "Really? Today?" He asked, grabbing the phone to hold it properly against his ear. "Yeah.. okay, I'll be there," He hummed, hanging up shortly after.

"The hospital needs me in, there's apparently a lack of staff today.." He sighed. I frowned, my shoulders slumping. "You have to go?" I asked sadly. "Yes, but I will make it up to you.. I promise you, Theodore.." He whispered as he pulled me in for a hug. I hated this because I knew there were people who needed Elias, but I also wanted to need him. "But it's your day off.." I pouted. "I know, I'm sorry.. that's the down side of working at a hospital.. you never know when you'll be needed," He huffed.

Although the situation was understandable, I was still upset. I was so excited about our stupid walk.

He gathered his work things and quickly squeezed me before leaving with a reminder to take my pills. I was going to take them after our walk. I frowned as I stood in the front foyer, staring at the door blankly. I finally shrugged off my coat and kicked my shoes off, trudging to the kitchen to find my pills. I might as well take them before I forget.

***

Elias wasn't home until the late evening. I had been sitting in the living room, waiting for him. It was almost midnight when he finally walked through the door, and I don't think I've ever seen him so tired.

When he arrived, I was dosing off but I snapped out of it when I heard the lock click. I sat up, looking back to see him shrugging his stuff off, leaving the foyer messy. He seemed to be dragging his feet as he walked over to me and I wasn't surprised when he face planted into my arms, the exhaustion clear in his movements.

"How was work?" I whispered. "Worky.." he mumbled, moving us so I was on top of him. I giggled shortly at his response, his hands running over his shoulders. I was going to spark up another conversation but I didn't get too because his soft snoring beat me. I smiled sincerely and pressed a short kiss to his chest, right where his heart lay. "Goodnight," I sighed.