Kalopsia (Sequel to Monachopsis)

10 - Even though my love's a world away

His smile falters, turning into a somewhat dejected look. His eyes are looking away from him, and Katsuki finally feels like he can breathe again. Izuku's hands rest on the edge of the counter, and he finds himself looking at the familiar scars on them as he talks, 

"I-I know... I don't want to push you, Kacchan, really, but..." 

'Deku' leans closer, ever so slightly. Katsuki doubts he would have even noticed if he wasn't watching him so closely. His eyes are right on him, and Katsuki looks away from him again, not wanting to be sucked in. 

"I'm just so happy to see you, I can't help it." 

Katsuki doesn't say anything, continuing to wash the dishes. He doesn't know what he can say. What he really wants to do is ask Deku the questions that keep popping up in his head. Would he tell him everything if he asked?

 Where was he these past couple days, what did he feel on the day he jumped? Would it even help if Katsuki knew? The hard part is that even when he feels so confused, Izuku's words strike a chord with him. 

The truth is, Katsuki missed him too. 

Missed his smile, the way he laughed, missed the way he would awkwardly look away from him, all red in the face after saying the most embarrassing shit, how he would smile to himself when he thought Katsuki wasn't looking, all of it. 

"Kacchan?" 

A hand touches his arm. It's warm, a complete contrast to the feeling of Deku's cold skin against his hands from that day. He doesn't bother hesitating, leaning into the warmth, because he'd be lying if he said every atom in his body didn't scream at him to do so.  

Deku seems to notice, because the worry on his face falters, turning into a soft smile. All of the dishes are clean now, and he turns off the sink, wiping his hands on his pants. The chatter from the living room hasn't stopped, and Katsuki figures everyone is just catching up after everything. 

He takes a deep breath, and moves away, shrugging off Deku's touch, the boy's hand falling back to his side slowly, like he wants to keep it up just in case Katsuki changes his mind about the contact. The words don't want to come out, but he forces them to anyway. 

"I get it." 

All the things he thinks, all the thoughts and scars in his heart go unsaid and unseen. Katsuki knows he will never say them, the thought of laying everything to Izuku bare like that sending a chilling feeling up his spine. Despite that, he knows if he just asked, Katsuki would have no choice. 

If Izuku asked, no matter how different or weird this whole situation is, with his voice, with his face, with those eyes, if he just asked Katsuki to tell him everything he's thinking, he wouldn't have enough fight in him to decline.