I let out loud scream. Someone next to me starts talking.
- Ellie! - familar voice says
I was sweaty, my heart was beating really fast, I lost sight of where I am for few seconds.
- Whoa, calm down. - voice says again
I calm down and realize that's Alex next to me. She pulled me next to her and hugged me.
- What happened? - she asks
I couldn't speak, I was shaking and hardly breathing. I tried to control my breathing, I was trying to calm down and tell her what happened.
- Nightmare. I had a nightmare. - I say quietly - You died in fire, Tony died too. Vic was trying to shoot me
- Hey, it's okay. I'm alive. Come here. - she kisses my cheek
- I know, I don't want to lose you like I did my parents.
- I'm not leaving you.
I check my phone, it was 6 a.m. I forgot to set my alarm, if I set it, it would ring right now.
- We should get ready. - I get up
I open my closet and search for some clothes. I take Fall Out Boy shirt, some black jeans and random black shoes I've found.
- Will this be okay? - I show her my twenty one pilots shirt and jeans
- Hell yeah. - she yells and jumps out of bed - You only have band merch, or?
I nod my head and laugh.
- I'll go to the bathroom that's downstairs, you can go in this one next to my room. - I show her my bathroom
I was done pretty fast, it often takes me 30 minutes, but I was done in 15 now. I check the living room and the kitche, no one was there, guys were probably still sleeping. I ran upstairs, Alex was still in the bathroom. I picked up my bag and checked my phone. I remembered those idiots from my school that called me mean names, made fun of my scars. Advice for all dumbass assholes: don't make fun of something people were born with, don't make fun of their mental illness, don't make fun of things that mental illness has done to them.
- Hey, I'm ready. - Alex walks in
- You look nice in that shirt. We should probably go now.
I pick up my bag, and we quietly get downstairs. Bus station was 10 minutes walk far from here.
- Can I ask something? - she asks queitly
I nod my head.
- What happened? - she points at my arms
Here we go, she found out.
- Just cuts. - I stare at the ground
- Why? Ellie, I don't want you to be in pain, I want to help you. - she almost yells at me
- Okay! I've tried to kill myself. Here, feel better? - I start yelling at her, I didn't regret it, I was really mad
- Why? I want to help you. - she whispers
- Nevermind. You don't understand it anyways.
She was quiet for few second, then she grabbed my hand and stopped walking.
- I've been through a lot of shit in my life, Ellie. I was the one who saved you! - she yells - You know what? I should've let you do it.
I stop and feel tear rolling down my cheek. She just told me it would be better if I killed myself. She left me. I felt loved next to her, I felt amazing, now she broke my heart and left me. I guess no one actually cared. She kept walking like nothing happened. I was standing in the middle of the street, trying not to cry and fall down on my knees.
See? She never cared.
I got better, I stopped self harming. Then she came, the one who made it better, and even worse in the end. I kept walking to my school, trying to make a plan in my head. Whenever I was upset, first thing I thought of was suicide. I was capable of doing it now. I wanted to get on the bus, but car stopped next to me. I looked in, it was Kellin.
- Some shit happened, huh? Get in, I'll take you to school. - he yells from the car
I get in his car. - Yeah, thanks
- Wanna talk about it? - he looks at me
I shook my head. We were quiet for the rest of the ride. I was worried about Alex. No matter what she said to me, I was still worried.
- Here we are. - he stops the car
- Yeah. Uhm, thanks. - I grab my bag and get out of the car
I walk in the school, hoping I'll find Alex somewhere. We had maths first, yeah, this morning will start great. I walked in the math class and sat at my place. Alex told me she'll sit with me, but she was sitting at the other side of the classroom. I still loved her, no matter what she said. I understand that she's mad, we all say stupid things when we're mad, right? Class was boring, really, really boring. I thought I'm going to die how boring it was. After I heard the bell, I ran into the changing room. I wanted to skip PE, I just had to make a plan. Being on my period seemed like an good excuse, so I decided to go with it. I sat on the bench and waited for teacher to come. I explained her my "problem" and sat down again. They were playing basketball, I was trying to find Alex, but she wasn't there. I look around me, she was sitting close to me.
- Skipping PE, huh? - she sits next to me
I nod my head.
- Why? Alex, why did you say that?
- I was mad, okay? I've been through lots of shit in my life, and you're acting like I have perfect life, like I will never understand your problems.
She was right, I actually said that. - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. - I say quietly
- Don't ever kill yourself, okay? I didn't mean to say it. I feel awful because of that now.
- You know what will fix that? - I ask
She shook her head. I gently kiss her and hug her. Everything was starting to get better, I felt safe next to her again.
I was happy we are still talking, we weren't mad anymore. Everyone makes and says shits when they're mad or hurt, that's normal. Making mistakes is part of our life, learning from our mistakes is actually the best lesson.
***Here you go. This chap
ter is bad, but I'm writing it at 2 a.m. Who was for team "Tony and Ellie" and who was for team "Alex and Ellie"? Comment your opinion.***
