Livelyhood / Book Four / The Life Series / Supernatural

99 Problems

I sat at home, in the study.

Dad rolled closer in his chair. "Still thinking and wringing you hands over what happened?"

I looked at Dad. "It's not something you can forget easily."

Dad nodded in agreement, stopping across the desk from me. "I know. It's just..."

"What?" I asked.

"I'm worried about you," Dad answered.

I sighed. "Dad..."

"There was a hit put out on you for a reason, Ness," Dad told me. "And knowing you, you don't even care." I raised my eyebrows. "You don't care about what happened to you, or what almost happened to you. You care about what happened to Karen, and what happened to me. And you care about what happens to those boys. You're stubborn as hell, and there's no way that you're letting them off that easily."

I smirked. "You know me way too well."

Dad nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. And I know that what happened between us and the demon, me in this damn chair, and your mom... it's weighing on you."

I nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, it is. But I can't just give up. I won't give up, and I won't back down."

Dad sighed. "Nessie, there's dedication, and then there's suicide." I shrugged, looking away. "Look, all I'm trying to say is that this is never the life I wanted for you."

"I chose this life," I told him. "You don't get to take the blame for that."

"Yeah, but one of these days, you're not gonna want to be in this life anymore," Dad told me. "Hell, I don't want you in this life. I haven't for a while. But I want you out now more than ever, with everything that's going on. Just..."

"You're telling me to get out?" I asked.

"I just want you to be okay," Dad told me. "To be happy. And this... this is not okay or happy."

I took a moment to think, shaking my head. "No. I can't just hang it up. Not when they need me right now. I won't. Maybe one day, but it's not gonna be today. And if I live long enough to try to get out."

"That's not funny," Dad told me.

I shrugged, looking away. I looked at Dad, realizing that he was completely serious about wanting me to get out, smiling a small smile.

A part of me wanted to get out.

But I didn't know if I could actually get out, whether if I could quit the life, or if I would live long enough to even try to quit the life.

I guessed we would just have to see when the time came.

~~~~

I was sitting at my desk, legs propped up on the desk, tapping my fingers against the chair arm. My phone rang. I sat forward, grabbing it from the desk. Dean was calling. I looked at it for a moment, hesitating, answering. "Yeah?"

"Hey, Ness." 

"Hi, Dean."

"You okay?" 

"No, not really. But, uh, I can't... I'm getting over it. And, uh... I know I'm probably stupid for this, but... I can't let Lucifer and Death get what they want. So I'm gonna keep on doing what I'm doing. I can't let them win."

Dean chuckled barely, sadly. "That's my girl." 

"What about you? You all right?"

"No, not really."

"Well, what is it?"

"Look, I have no illusions, okay? I know the life that I live. I know how that's gonna end for me. Whatever. I'm okay with that. But I wanted you to know... that when I do picture myself happy... it's with you." 

"Wow."

"I mean, you don't have to say anything." 

"No, I... I mean, I know. I know. I kind of... I actually feel the same."

"Take care of yourself, Ness." 

"No, wait, wait. You can't just drop a bombshell like that and then hang up."

"I know. I'm sorry. But I don't have a choice." 

"Yeah, you do. You do. We can talk."

"Ness, wait. Things are about to get really bad. Don't worry about... about anything, because I'm making arrangements for you. And your dad. And Sam." 

"Arrangements?"

"Whatever happens, you're gonna be okay." 

"What do you mean? What are you talking about?"

"The people that I'm gonna see next, they're not gonna get anything from me without agreeing to a few conditions." 

I realized what he meant, standing. "No. No, Dean. Do not go there. You can't say yes to Michael. Don't do it."

"I have to." 

"Dean..."

"Bye, Ness." 

Dean hung up.

I was in too much shock to do anything.