vigil

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NOVA============07/02/2003Panay, The Philippines============

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NOVA
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07/02/2003
Panay, The Philippines
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The second Banksy revealed that Altashih have Leo, I turned into a raging, unhinged madwoman.

I don't know if he's dead or alive.

Then again, they could have killed him during the raid if they wanted him to die so badly.

They're probably going to use him against us.

"I don't know what the fuck we're waiting for! It's been a fucking week!" I seethe at the Commanders, throwing my hands down on the desk; grabbing a pot of pens and lashing it against the wall.

North has clearly influenced me.

"We're waiting for our damn wounded to heal, Shields! If we pushed in at any point this week, we wouldn't have had half of our fucking numbers!" North yells back at me, standing up from his chair and pointing his finger at me.

He does have a point, but my mind isn't comprehending that.

My focus is on getting Leo and the others out of the possession of Altashih, alive or dead.

"The last time I checked, everyone was doing a whole lot fucking better!" I scream.

It's just a complete standoff between me and North, Kingston and Vincent are completely silent. They're probably worried that I'm so unhinged right now, the next thing I launch will be at their heads.

"We still need to come up with a fucking plan! It's not just Hendrix we're going to try and break free, it's also the other eighteen goddamn hostages!" He bellows.

"I know that, goddamnit! If we don't come up with a strategy in the next fucking day, I'll go there on my own!" I yell, gripping my nails into the edge of the desk with the urge to flip it over entirely.

That is a complete death wish, I'm well aware that I'm acting irrationally.

However, trying to remain rational in this situation is really fucking hard. I don't think I've ever had the urge to act this impulsively before; usually I'm calculated, I like to think things through, organise a solid plan.

Right now though, I'm ready to power into that damn farmhouse guns a' blazin'. I'll mow every single fucker down in sight if it means getting to them. Getting to him.

"You ain't going nowhere on your own, Shields! We will come up with a plan, until then, just keep your fucking impatient self calm!" North yells at me.

If I wasn't still clinging onto my withering strand of self control, I'd have smashed a hole into the wall by now.

Deep breaths.

The Commanders watch me practically meditate in front of them for a few seconds, trying to chill my burning rage.

After a few seconds of calming myself, I heave out an exhale and spin on my heels without another word; striding straight out of the door.

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