Dark Side of Wonderland

Psalms

Halo Nineteen: Psalms:

Mikado

Things are starting to repeat themselves. I don't know how to deal with Anri's pregnancy. If I don't do something, she's going to die. Maybe I could convince her to get an abortion. I could tell her that this baby could kill her and the abortion would save her life. That would be telling the truth in a way. If she wanted to, she could still be able to have children later on.

I frowned to myself.

I couldn't do that. It would be too cruel. Anri wouldn't do something like that. Besides, Asato-sensei or Nakahara-sensei would get in her head and convince her to keep the baby. They might even tell her that the baby won't kill her.

Because of that, I am back where I started. That isn't the only thing on my mind, however.

I looked down in my futon at Michiko's place. Marin lay asleep next to me. It won't be long before the rest of them find me again. I already know how that part will end up. How long before Marin decides she wants to have sex with me? How long before I give in? Not just her, but to all of the others that I have slept with? I know how it happens and I have to be the one to stop it before it gets to that point. I can tell that I am about to be forced down into that old downward spiral to feel something again. That's not the only vice to call to me though.

The other day I stood in front of a cigarette vending machine in a 7-11 store. I stared at the Seven Stars pack and thought about it.

Yeah, it's really starting to come back and get worse.

I really don't know what to do with myself.

Masaomi

I am starting to see that I do have a problem. I looked at this girl lying next to me in bed. I don't know what her name is. I met her at the karaoke bar. I don't know how it happens but I keep meeting girls there. Nobody asks questions anymore. They wouldn't even look at me. I don't know if that makes things worse.

This isn't working anymore. But what else can I do? I just feel so... empty. I don't know I feel that way. Something happened and I ended up like this. I wish that I could remember. Michiko makes it worse when she looks at me in pity. I want to tell her to stop looking at me like that.

"What happened to you, boss?" Yatabe said. I couldn't answer him. I didn't look him in the eye. He's ashamed of me now. He doesn't understand. I don't think I understand it myself. Now that I think about it, I don't think I want to.

I already know what's going to happen next. She's going to slip away in the middle of the night and I will wake up alone. If not that, I will have to push her off and convince her to leave. We'll probably never see each other again. I never ask them to stay. I should ask them to stay. I really should. But I don't know why. Speaking of which...

I reached for my phone next to my futon. Oh. It's her again. Ruriko. I don't know what she wants from me. We keep running into each other out in public. She didn't try to interact with me at first. But last night, she came over and talked to me while Mikado was getting his laptop from his apartment. I have no idea how she found me. Ruriko just walked over and started talking to me. I didn't know how to take it. She kept touching me on the arm and getting closer to me. I don't remember what all she said, but I can tell she was flirting with me.

"See you around, cutie," she said just as Mikado was walking out with his laptop. Ruriko winked and blew a kiss before walking away. I just stood there and awkwardly waved.

"Who was that?" Mikado asked.

"No one," I lied. We walked away without saying a word. I still don't know what she wants from me.