What do you mean I'm not optimistic
I find flaws in van Gogh's art like a goddamn critic
It's just my thing to put blame on everyone
If you call me out, I'll still not change
I'm just that stubborn
And if I lose you as a friend,
I'll put the blame on their pedophilic boyfriend
Where do you think I'll go with my victim mentality?
It's just another thing about my anxiety
It seems like everyone is aiming at me, their arrows
As usual, I stand unarmed
Without any alarm
They fire, I run
Makes me a coward, not a hero
I'm just that stubborn
Bifurcating these inner thoughts
Before I overshare
Letting them linger on
Before I touch the grass and see the light of sunny days
Blaming everyone without being fazed
While looking for the impostor
I always end up in a mirror maze
I shout at my class teacher
Also, I don't find it cool
I started skipping school
Concocted my lies for them to fodder
To my delicate delusions
Self-diagnosed with lack of validation
I miss it, especially from my lover
Whose name I used to carve on classroom tables
I disappointed my friends, my teachers
I was in every existing circle
Now I'm just known to everyone yet unfamiliar
What do you think I'll do with my negativity?
It's just another thing about my anxiety
Nothing changes, another birthday cake with an extra candle
As life moves on, it gets out of my handle
Working on my driving skills,
Taking the wrong turn
Pushing to the first gear
Why the fuck am I so stubborn?
I lose sanity with every passing year
Bifurcating these inner thoughts
Before I overshare
Let them linger on
Before I touch the grass and see the light of sunny days
Blaming everyone without being fazed
While looking for the impostor
I always end up in a mirror maze
A grown-ass seventeen-year-old
Yet life feels so out of control
Calling the helpline number
Or just put someone's number on the speed dial
So I could call them after losing self-accusing trials
I'm exceeding my capacity
It's my fucking anxiety
Ask Dimpy, she knows I'm writing this from my grandfather's library
I happily admit that there are thousands of layers to my personality
The one that is on the front
Is my anxiety
Call it naivety,
I just can't sleep
It's hard to fathom a single word out of my anxiety
In an apple pie order, I find chaos
I'm my only enemy,
And these thoughts
Would only end me
Everything I say
Every incident I overshare
The words that I write
The words and their gravity
It's out of my anxiety
Take me to the nearest outlet
I'll blame others without being fazed
While looking for the impostor
I know I'll end up in a mirror maze
written by vikshar varma (2/6/23)
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My Marketable Mind
PoetryHey, salesman at your door My Marketable Mind is a compilation of songs/poems(?) or whatever you feel fits right for . A 9 track compilation that basically comes from a specific time of this shitass year. I started writing this almost in jan while...
