Meerab's confession because we didn't get it in the show. This is after episode 38...meetab has realized she's in love with Murtasim. How will she confess? no Anas/mariyam drama
This song is so Meerab in this chapter. Hear it once. It conveys her emotions better than I ever could..
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Meerab stood on the front lawn, watching Murtasim drive away. It felt like he had taken part of her with him, how she wished to reassure him that all would be okay, they would get past this but her lips didn't move. Her brain felt like it was stuck on that one sentence he had uttered. "I suggested that they get you married." Was his casually uttered suggestion responsible for the storm that had crashed her life, or was it all inevitable? And he had just expedited the process?
It felt like a war was raging inside her. One side of her that had spent last months picking up pieces of her shattered heart, blaming him for bringing this storm in her life, and the other side constantly fought on his behalf. Wasn't he the one who held her hand when her so-called and birth parents abandoned her? Wasn't he the one who had healed her soul. Filling the cracks of her broken heart with his love and care? He had been her shield and protector against the new world she had found herself in. Was it right to blame him for her fate?
Yes! The bitter side whispered. She was in this unforgiving family because of him. If he hadn't suggested she be married off, she could have convinced her parents to let her continue studying. If not that at least she wouldn't have found the truth about her parentage so harshly. But was he to blame for that? The elders had decided not to let her study, and her father hadn't done anything. He himself had revealed the truth. Would it have been better to live in the dark her whole life or good that she knew the first 20 years of her life were a pretense? Her thoughts continued to swirl, tears dropping from her eyes. She sat on the front steps, massaging her temple, but it did nothing for the headache. She wanted a moments respite just to take a breath, step back, and think things through, but her brain wouldn't shut up.
She yearned for Murtasim, just his presence. How she wished to he in his arms, have him hold and her and assure her all would be okay but she had pushed him away in her anger. She sat on the steps looking out, lost in thoughts till the maid came and urged her to move inside lest she catch a cold and get sick. She felt like laughing at the irony, her heart felt cold without him, and outside warmth wouldn't be able to dispell the chill when she longed for a set of warm arms that she herself had run away from. Was she being unreasonable? No, she wasn't. She needed time to think to process things. If only she could think through the mess her life had become. Whenever she felt happy lately, it seemed that something was lurking in the background to take it away. Should she let one action affect the most cherished relationship of her life?
She closed her eyes and leaned her head on the couch. Her brain set on torturing her, running a reel of memories with Muratsim. How he had saved her from the accident, that slap afterward, his apology, the way he had held her hand as she was kneeling on the driveway calling for her father. His silent support as she begged her parents to open the door, offering her his home, asking her to take time and not agree for the marriage.
