MADLY INLOVE WITH A GAY

CHAPTER 2

The smoke, changing color of the lights, noisy chatters from other people next to her in the counter table, different smell of liquor, strong beat of the music echoing in the small crowded room.
Shanna is drinking alone in the newly built Lounge Bar & Club not far from her apartment.
It was not her first time going out into a place like this since she's not a teenager anymore.
This place has been somehow the only place she can lose herself. Forgetting who she is, and drown her sorrow in liquor.

Unang pasok niya dati ay ayaw niya sa magka- halong amoy ng alak at sigarilyo, but she got use to it eventually. She's frequent to this place thanks to her anxiety and depression.

She gulped the last shot of her margarita.
Her face winced from the taste of it when it touches her throat down to her abdomen. It creates tiny fires within. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, took a cash from her clutch bag and left the money over the counter under the shot glass. She needs to go home, it's getting late. Sinipat niya ang digital watch sa bisig, quarter to eleven.
She slipped off from the bar stool she sat on, and slowly walked away ,trying to steady her balance. She wanted to drink more pero naisip niya kailangan pa pala niyang mag drive pauwi.

She just had a few shots pero medyo may tama na siya. Well for her na mahina ang tolerance sa alcohol mabilis talaga siya ma hilo.
She stopped in the middle of the corridor, feeling a bit dizzy kaya hinayaan muna niyang pumirme ang sarili.

She moved closer to the wall, wanting to support her balance, keeping her poise on the edge. She close her eyes for a moment, nung ma ramdaman niyang medyo okay na siya ay saka lang siya ulit humakbang at nag lakad palabas ng club.
Nagsisi tuloy siya kung bakit nag suot pa siya ng Stilettos gayung mahihirapan siya sa pag lalakad, knowing her state after a few shots.
Nawala na sa isip niya kanina ang bagay na iyon. Her thoughts was full of misery because today is her big brother's 15th year death anniversary and it's her 22nd birthday. It's been a long time since she letted herself mourn for her brother's death, ang kaarawan niya taon-taon ang reminder niya na may kaakibat itong pighati. Kaya wala siyang lakas ng loob para batiin ang sarili, ang pinakamasakit pa doon ay walang ni isa sa pamilya niya ang naka alala. Dahil ang araw na iyon ay tanging death anniversary lang ng kuya niya ang inisip ng parents niya. Okay lang , sinasanay narin naman niya ang sariling wag nang umasang maaalala pa ng mga ito ang araw na isinilang siya.

Everyday she lives like she's a dead person walking, as if she's present physically but is dead mentally and emotionally.
Her brother's passing was the very reason why her parents don't treat her the same way ever again. Sometimes she just wished na sana siya nalang yung nawala, hindi ang kuya niya baka everything will not be this hard for her.
Total parang pinapatay din naman siya ng mga mga magulang niya sa uri palang ng mga pinaparamdam ng mga ito.

She's out of the main door of the Club already, some people are coming in and out, mostly are people in groups or two passing in front of her.
May nakikita din siyang mangilan ngilan na pumapasok mag isa.
Why would she be surprise?.. just like her ,these people are here for many reasons.
Loners are mostly there to drown their emotions with liquors, aiding their broken heart, curing the pain for a moment. Trying to erase and forget the painful memories and thoughts. Thinking alcohol could take them away.

That's how she finds this place, the safe haven for people who are wrecked ,broken and hopeless.
The pavements are empty٫ the coldness of the night send shivers down to her spine.
She hugged herself. Saka lang niya na realized na masyado palang maikli ang suot niyang silver strapped crisscross bandage backless party dress. Inaamin niyang mukha siyang liberated sa suot niya , but that's just how she carry herself. She dresses up not for men, but for her own self, proud siya na virgin parin siya sa edad na twenty two. Ang iba nga diyan teens palang pero sobrang laspag na, for her how you dress won't define who you really are.
Not all women who dresses modestly are innocent, most of them are surprisingly just innocent looking from the outside.
She's not judging anyone's appearance nor their own perspective on how to carry themselves, it's just that she's not thinking about it generally.
In general it's just how the society labels people, the verdict comes from those who does nothing but judge people regardless of who and what they are.
It's only the thought and the judgement of others that makes us look cheap, why?
Because they judge us like they know us.