Hyunlix One-shots

Everything will be ok

Felix's POV

Do you ever feel like no matter what you do no one can ever be happy with what you've done for them or with them. You've set high expectations for yourself growing up and it seemed like you did it only to prove to yourself like you can reach that goal when in reality you really can't. If anything you set yourself up for failure and that's all you'll ever be regardless of what others tell you. You've been this person that everyone runs to for comfort, to talk to, to vent to, to let their problems out to. On top of everyone else stuff you still have to worry about yourself but you complete forget who you are as a person because everyone expects you to be or act a certain way because that's all they know. So when you do change something it's like the world's ending. Then not long after dealing with everyone else bullshit it turns out that your parents expect you to accomplish something when your barely even finished with the first think you started. On top of that you realized that your mother's a who're and will sleep around with anyone that walks and your father talks down to you and makes you feel like you don't do anything and your the reason why your mother doesn't what she does and she acts the ways she does. Everything is one why or another your fault even if you know that you didn't do anything but its somehow your  fault. So know already feeling like insecure about yourself and having someone just add to that just makes everything 10000x better. Well dealing with that you've developed depression, anxiety, insomnia, and it feel like everything else but you still put on a face to make it seem like nothing wrong when your mentally fucked up but you don't tell anyone because god forbid you feel anything but one way. So as your mentally arguing with yourself day in and day out at some point you just don't care about anything anymore. Then it's like once you still caring then everyone wants to know what wrong with you and they want to know what's bothering you when from the start they didn't even know you existed but when it benefited then your someone. The damaged already been done. I've been through so much growing up that I forgot what's it like to be happy. I don't know what's it like to feel anything like I used to. I'm so used to pleasing everyone else that I gave up on myself. The nights I've spent crying myself to sleep and waking up the next with a unbelievable headache. The amount of times I've thought about just ending myself but realizing that I still have to be here for my sisters. Their the only ones keeping me here. They don't know anything about what I deal with and I'm not planing on telling them either. They already go through enough on their own. I have self harmed a few times just to see if I'm dead or not. I soon moved from home to korea. From their I auditioned for a boy band. I guess I did something right if I made it in. Not long after my debut I started dating someone from the group. His name is Hyunjin. He made me feel like I have someone I can go to. He makes me feel like I have a voice and I am worth more than what everyone else made me feel. He's helped me when I felt like giving up. He's been my support team from the start. And I'm so so so grateful to have him in my life. He's seen me at my darkest point. He's seen me hurt myself multiple times. He's seen me do everything that you could possibly imagine and not once had he left my side like everyone else has. At this point would've been left alone until I'm useful for someone else to throw their problems to. I'm still waiting for him to leave me to be honest. I'm not used to having someone stay with me for this long. It feels weird and alien like. Right now we're doing a second part for our Maniac tour. We had dropped Rock-star a while ago and its been blowing up like crazy. The amount of positive feedback we get from Stay's is ridiculous. It's nice to know that I'm doing something right in my life for the first time in who knows how long. We just finished up with our show so now we're heading back to our dressing room. I stayed towards to back not saying a word. When we got to our dressing room I unhooked myself from all the wires and gave my mic to the staff. After that I quickly got changed and got my stuff together. I then grab my phone and headphones and listened to my music until we headed to the van outside. It took a while for everyone to get changed and all that. I wasn't in a rush so I didn't care. Once everyone was ready we headed toward the van. When we got inside I sat in the back and put my stuff away. I sat next to the window in the darkest part of the van. I put my hood up and blend into the dark. Hyunjin came and sat next to me well the others sat towards the front. He already put his stuff away so he didn't have to worry about that. He left up the arm rest allowing me to lay into his side. He wraps his arm around me and says nothing. I hold into his hoodie well making myself smaller. For the rest of the ride back to the hotel I stayed glue to his side. Once we got back all of us grab our stuff and headed I side. Some of us are sharing and some aren't. Me and Hyunjin are sharing a room so that's something. When we got to our room I put my stuff down and headed to the bathroom. I close the door behind me and stared at my reflection.