The following day
(Trigger warning)⚠️
Today is now Sunday so for most of the day I ended up doing some chores.
I treated myself to some Starbucks and even got a cookie since I quite literally didn't eat anything yesterday
but I can't gain weight or coach will be on my ass.
of course my coach calls me as soon as those thoughts pop in my head.
"Hi coach" silence for a few seconds
" hi darling"
" you better not be eating much you can't go past 105 pounds your already pushing it with 103"
I cover my stomach with my hands while looking in the mirror across from me
completely forgetting coach was on the phone
" yes coach I know"
We soon hang up the phone after reviewing our schedule this week for practice and a few more lectures on managing my weight.
But as soon as we hang up the phone I run to the toilet
sticking two fingers down my throat In hopes that it will make me throw up that cookies and coffee from earlier.
Tears stream down my face as I wipe my mouth with a piece of toilet paper.
I was blessed with an hour glass figure from my mother but coach is always worried "the judges won't like me" because of "how much i eat"
i don't understand why coach is like this
i think everyone is beautiful
i wipe my mouth again while I get up off of the floor
Once I'm back on my couch I turn on a rom-com to lighten my mood
After I finish the 2 hour long movie I get a text from Amy
Amy: Want to go to the beach? it's going to be awesome!
I think for a moment and think of the best excuse I can muster but in the end I come up with nothing
i dread putting on a bathing suit already but i text back anyway
Me: Sure pick me up in 20?
Amy: yup!
I get up from the couch
I go into my bottom drawer in my dresser and pick out a white bathing suite and throw it on quickly
I put my hair in a high pony and leave my makeup the way it is knowing it's gonna come off in the water
By the time I have fished getting ready Amy had already texted that she is waiting in the garage
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everyone!!! is beautiful
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Bad choices
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