LOVE BEYOND MEASURE

16

LOVE BEYOND MEASURE
16

Unedited, please excuse errors.

THANDAZA

It’s a Friday and I have no plans, other than chilling in my place, and catching up on my favorite series; SIREN. It’s about this badass mermaid, Ryn, and it’s so good shame. I miss Ronnie and his dick, but his children are visiting him for the weekend so I will only see him Monday at work. I once met his kids, by accident though, they are respectful girls, and very beautiful. They take after their mother, Sthoko. Whom I also think hates me.

As for me, I don’t have children yet. I once fell pregnant when I was 27 but I had a miscarriage in my early days, so since then nje I have been scared of falling pregnant. Not to mention dating nje. I took a leap of faith with Ronnie because I trust him, and I actually love him. I was quite shocked when he asked me out, because I thought he didn’t see me that way. I mean, I have known the guy for about six months, and he has been putting me in the friendzone. Can you imagine the torture of crushing on someone secretly? And you know you can’t even tell them, because you are scared of rejection. That was the case for me too.

Ronnie is a good man, he told me about his past, and how he became a drunkard for two years after losing his job. I commend Sthoko for staying with him through that, most people would have left. He also told me that Sthoko cheated on him, and that’s when things spiraled in their marriage, he said he tried forcing but his heart wasn’t there anymore. I felt guilty at the early stage of our relationship, because I thought I was betraying my fellow woman by dating him, it’s clear she still loves him. She once tagged me on a post on Facebook and called me all sorts of names, calling me a heartbreaker and mocking my dark skin. I wasn’t fazed by that, because black is beautiful and black doesn’t crack darling!

I do still feel kind of bad, because now it’s like Ronnie left her because he’s working and she lost her job and was temporarily paralyzed. But he does give her money every month, and even an allowance; even though I’m not cool with that, what can we say? I’m trying to get on her good side by staying in my lane. I see a future with Ronnie, and I don’t want to be a monster stepmother to Lusanda and Liyanda.

I smile widely when my phone rings, and it’s him calling. I answered him, “Sthandwa sami?”
Ronnie: Baby, ukahle?
Me: Ngikahle my love, kuhamba kanjani lapho?
**I heard him sighing, and I chuckled.**
Ronnie: Bayahlupha laba, ngiyazisola ukuthi ngibathengeleleni ikhekhe, abafuni ukulala manje. Angazi ngizobenze njani ngampela(They are giving me trouble, I regret buying them a cake because they don’t want to sleep now).
**I laughed at him.**
Me: Uzoba strong, daddy.
Ronnie: But don’t worry, you will experience this mese ngikufake amathambo eswini(Once I impregnate you)
**My heart froze, and I kept quiet for a while. I haven’t actually told him about my fears of having kids. It’s not that I don’t want to have kids, I’m just scared man!**
Ronnie: Baby, are you still there?
**I cleared my throat**
Me: Yes, I’m still here babe. Someone was knocking.
Ronnie: You always get uncomfortable when I bring up the children's topic. Is there anything you want to tell me?
Me: I uhm…
Ronnie: Bengingazi ke ukuthi usuyangingiza manje, Thandaza. Kodwa ungakhathazeki, uzongtshela ngakho mase u ready. Angithi?(I didn’t know you stuttered, Thandaza. But don’t worry, you will tell me when  you are ready, right?
Me: Yes, I will.
** I was happy that he was not pushing me to talk.**
Ronnie: Ngizokufonela before ulale, ngiyakuthanda yezwa?( I will call you before you sleep, I love you)
Me: I love you too, Hlabangane.
Ronnie: Ngiyathanda indlela ongithakazela ngayo(I love it when you call me by my clan name)
**I blushed, and we talked some more before we hung up. I love this guy, and I’m ready to move all mountains for him. I just want to tell him about this issue of having kids, before we can even get any further in our relationship**
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STHOKOZILE