Anxiety Warriors!

THROUGH THE PAIN

Hello, Everyone!

My name is Ashley and I would like to share a bit of history about myself. Over my lifetime, I have endured quite a bit of trauma and tragedy. Thanks to God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit along with my loved ones, I have been able to overcome my struggles, trials, and hurdles. Even though having many dark days, I choose to look on the bright side and hold onto a positive attitude.

I have learned mottos are helpful. My mother and I have mottos. My favorite is 'it could be worse', reminding myself that there is always someone undergoing something worse than our current circumstances. For example, when I was in extreme pain from my back surgeries, I reminded myself that it could be worse. I could be permanently paralyzed.

Mom's favorite motto is 'I'd rather be better than bitter', which also puts your attitude in perspective.

Having a motto that can help remind you of your blessings can help bring forth a positive attitude.

I too, have to battle negative thoughts, whether they come from memories, fears, thoughts of someone, or even nightmares.

First, I deal with autism, OCD, epilepsy, and learning disabilities which made me a target for significant bullying. At school, I received two broken ribs from another student. The hospital contacted child protection services to investigate my parents, family, and home life. Our family was cleared and mom was paramount and an advocate for the anti-bully program at schools in our state.

At the age of nine, I contracted a type of pneumonia that caused total memory loss. Not knowing or remembering my parents, brother, grandparents, friends, and teachers placed me into a whole new experience. Fear and anxiety were at an all-time high. It became so great and consuming to the point I wanted to hide and withdrawal into myself. But I couldn't. I had a life to live.

Me and another patient were the only survivors of that specific pneumonia.

I had to work hard to relearn everything and catch up to my peers. Then, at age fifteen, I developed scoliosis which was monitored until they discovered I had yet another spinal problem. I had to overcome my spine crumbling and breaking.

I had two back surgeries to build me a back. The second contained donor bone, wire cages, mesh, spacers, rods, and screws. This came with many challenges such as dealing with possible permanent paralysis. I even had temporary paralysis from the waist down for days. I worked hard for about a decade with physical therapy to walk again. I praise God that I am able to walk now!

After my second back surgery, a whole new type of fear, anxiety, and dealing with the unknown gripped me. I was admitted to the children's hospital on the cancer unit in 2008. My bone marrow stopped making red blood cells.

As you can deduce, I was now in a life-threatening condition! Wow, even hundreds of doctors, countless tests, pokes, needles, and blood transfusions still did not produce any answers of what was causing my issue. One thing we did know however, was what it was not.

During this time, I reached out to God even greater, and watched my mom's faith put into action. Her love, faith, determination, and love helped encourage and support me. She'd pray constantly, talk to God and ask for help and healing.

I had to withstand countless treatments, blood and platelet transfusions, chemotherapy, cell therapies, and losing my hair multiple times. Then a complicated and life-threatening bone marrow transplant was advised as a last resort in hopes it will save my life from the bone marrow failure, iron overload from all the blood transfusions, and reticulocyte fibrosis causing scarring of the bone marrow from treatments. At this time, I was given a 5% chance of survival.

This was a crossroad. Do I give up because I was so tired of fighting or do I fight to live? I am positive God gave me the strength to choose life and to give my life up to Him. To trust Him. To be willing to do what was best. To honor Him and my loved ones.