BLUE ROSES.| CYJ

expect

The nurse escorts Yeonjun towards his hospital bed. He was a good patient , obeying every single instruction given by the doctor.  He declared that he would not cause more trouble than he already was after scaring Sohee away earlier. Growing up was hard for Yeonjun because he raised himself to not make mistakes , to obey what he was told and cause the least trouble to avoid being a burden to his parents. He was an only child in his family and his mother's miscarriage had impacted the boy to assume that his life was a blessing by luck. he had grown up avoiding his responsibilities all his life. big responsibilities like waiting scared him.

On the first day , he was glad that Sohee was right beside him for the night to pass. On the second , he had nothing to hope for.

Sohee was recovering from her fever. she would cough once or twice during the day. The previous night she broke out into a horrible cough that disturbed the ward's staff and Yeonjun.

But he tried not to think too much about it and covered himself under a thin cold blanket that was too short to cover his whole body as well as his feet. He decided to stop thinking about the worst to come , rather let them flow without fighting them for his own sake. it was more peaceful when he stopped reacting to it with fear and began understanding them with more compassion. he was healing with Sohee , he was healing for Sohee.

Sohee was only healing on her , all on her own and she needed time to get used to the external supplies forced into her fragile arms.

He focused on falling asleep like the time he did before , dismissing his thoughts about dreaming about her , but eventually does because she was all he was thinking about.

It still gave him nightmares , horrible fucking nightmares at the end of which he loses contact with her and has thinks of it as a terrible harbinger about losing her , but he doesn't want to believe in it and even refuses to sleep.

he recalls earlier that he had begged Namson to poison him so he could sleep forever and not feel thing in his sleep , but Namson was adamant on recommending him counselling to help him recover. still , poison was more appealing to Yeonjun than counselling.

Namson walks inside the ward not with a bottle of poison but his tender smile , hoping that his patient friend would not ask him to end his life again. He was still hesitant to face him afraid and the worst at hiding the truth. he finds Yeonjun laying on the bed with his head turned to face Sohee , his eyes gazing at her as though she were the light and he was the moth.

" Should I pull the curtains aside a little further for you , my friend?.." , he volunteers softly.

"It's more than enough..", Yeonjun replies staring ahead sighing. he notices that his best friend had an additional oxygen mask from the other day and he wonders if the doctor was going to elaborate on that.

" her mask , does she need to wear that? ", he asks pointing his hand weakly at her.

"It's a nebulizer", informs the doctor sitting down on the waiting bench next to his bed.

"That's what its called?", his lips curve for a smile , " a nebulizer , really? "

like the nebula? like the nebula of stars? like my Sohee?

"Trust me kid , names of medical electronics still surprises me till date ", Namson chuckles adding on to his realisation.

" Is there a device that can make me make me stop breathing?", he asks the doctor smiling.

Namson's words diminish as he places his hand on his concerned.

" I want to live for her but I don't want to...", he gasps hyperventilating as the thought of losing her overpowers his mind , " doctor , I-I want to die but I don't want to regret it...I...I want to die.. "