BLUE ROSES.| CYJ

fair

a/n : first of all i want to apologise for writing sira as a teenager earlier . when i first wrote strawberry skies , i wrote sira based on my stuggles during highschool and as i grew i realised that this story needed a more mature character , someone as important as Lee sira. I'm editing sohee's and sira's initial introductions but the (plot will remain the same to avoid confusions) , from this stage onwards , the book is well set and the conversations between Sira and yeonjun will make sense in the upcoming chapters. i apologise for not correcting this book earlier but i want to trust you to come back to this book for the revised version. i want to thank you all from the heights of all my love for following this book till here , this book was equally overwhelming for me to write and i wrote it when i was at my lowest but i wanted it to be the best record of my emotions.  }

Ocean eyes - Billie Eilish

Three knocks on the door.

He stood in front of a vintage door. The city glistened with snow on the damp road, melting to form a dark trail of ice water following his footsteps to her house. The cold air blows past his exposed nape as he places his icy palm to warm his chill neck. Yeonjun's cheeks flushed red , his eyes remained tired and a gush of warm air escaped his lips when the door opened to reveal a figure , " Can I..come in?.." , he breathed and she observed his breath visibly freeze in air. His presence aims at her like a bullet from a pistol she chose to stand in front of deliberately.

She lowers her gaze , guiding the door open to invite him inside , as she helps him remove his long coat . Yeonjun feels stripped despite her usual habit , the cold air seeps through his turtleneck. He glides his hands across his arms turning towards the nervous girl , she was anxious to hang his long coat on the rack before she turned to walk away.

" Sira.." , he raises his hand low to call her and his gaze falls on the window on the side. The curtains sway revealing the sky that had turned dark midnight blue , a daunting sight as he gasps for a moment. He realizes why he felt so cold.

Sira watches him from the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee in her hand. She was particularly fond of coffee, but it tastes sweet on her tongue and light on her stomach. She reaches for a spoon of sugar from the box , scoops a spoonful to her lips and pulls the spoon clean out of her mouth . Yeonjun liked drinking coffee , it was usual but he had not taken a sip more after leaving a mark of his lips on the rim of her favorite Christmas mug , she wondered if he did that on purpose. He was gazing at nowhere in the house , his posture was composed , his back raised up straight against the chair . Sira admired the way his eyes yearned for her , of what must sparkle , only burned when he broke his gaze away to wipe his tears.

" Do you want to talk about it ?" , Sira asks him as she takes a sip of her coffee.

" Is this what you wanted, for me to show up this way in front of you? " , he turned towards her , his under eyes burning red.

Sira lowers her head as she walks to the sink turning her back to place the mug inside the sink. She avoided him at all costs , but she couldn't deny thinking about him when he needed help. " You don't have to remember everything I say..", she replies, turning the tap at an instant to conceal her distressed voice. Her forehead tenses up before she breaks into a cry , she pulls her lips together as she vigorously washes the cup before covering her mouth shut.

" How is it possible for one person to carry so much sadness in them? , You're unbelievable.." , she remarks turning towards him only to be encountered by his presence inches away from her.

Yeonjun chuckles , he has not heard anyone describe his depression more extravagantly than Sira did , " I've learnt to live through the madness , call me a madman. I'm not allowed to cry otherwise" , he places his palm on her cheek to wipe the water around her mouth with his long sleeve , he traces her cheek softly with his thumb.

" That's not how you should live. You're torturing yourself.." , Sira cries , tears trailing down her cheeks as she turns, reaching for a bunch of tissues on the counter.

" Living without her is a torture on it's own , I don't mind rather , I occasionally feel happy about meeting you.." , he lowers his head excusing her for a moment. Sira was not ambitious about crying , she was unusually grateful about not being able to produce tears in an instant , but then it led her to cry whenever she felt sad , on the subway ,or in the middle of the lecture room and prayed no one paid attention to her. Yeonjun couldn't agree that his life was more deranged than hers.

He lifts his arms to rest on her waist , and waits for her to complete the hug . Sira snuffles, wrapping her arms around his neck as he lifts her to tiptoe on in his feet inviting her into a tight embrace. She crashes onto his lukewarm chest when he places his lips on her neck , unable to rest her head on his shoulder when she hears his breath stutter earning his share of cries. The trail of his warm tears burns cold on her neck , her collarbone leaves traces of his drool as he weeps gritting his teeth against her skin , " please..please , stop me from going too insane , please stop me if I'm hurting you , Lee Sira..".

Sira chuckles, forcing a smile on her face , " Why should I do it? "

" Why?..Is it because I owe you for saving my life once? "

" It's not fair that you want to use me to forget her though you know that she's irreplaceable.."

" She is irreplaceable " , he rests his chin on her shoulder as she squeezes his arms, turning her face to look at him.

As much as it hurt to look at his cheeks damp in tears of the past , she takes a moment to admire his deep brown eyes , thinking perhaps that it was decided by fate that she would free him. He swoops his face to place his lips onto her soft thin pair , waiting for her to join his lead to move in sync suctioning on her lower lip demanding her to heal him. Sira breaks into a smile while she heals him , to the sweet taste of the sugar traverses on his tongue. He releases his lips slowly producing a weak smooch , he fixes his gaze at her disturbed , " I should have never doubted her love for me , but I should have known that if I knew it would shatter me once she was gone.."

" I don't know..", he lowers his head, unable to justify his words.

Sira turns towards him reaching for his cold hand to intertwine with her hand , with a firm gaze she replies , "I love you"

He gazes at her tenderly as a faint smile appears on his lips , " I love you too"

-

a/n : this chapter has me shattered. I'm in pieces that i cant pick up fuck , please please please give me the permission to edit the first four chapters , those are such an ache in my gut , i am literally , shattered.