ShiVi Stories

Wasab (excrutiating pain)

Dedicated to the one whose name I won't reveal,
The one whose pain I deeply feel,
The one whose eyes talk to my soul,
The one whose grief do not leave me whole...
____________
Shiva Pandya had always been a tough guy. He loved his family and he loved the women of his life, namely, His mother, Suman, his Devki and his bhabhimaa Dhara, his yashodha. He loved them to bits and he could move the world for them if and when it was needed. His brothers were his ultimate belief and pillars. His passion was his store. But apart from this he wasn't bothered by much. This was where his feelings and emotions revolved around. This was what his world was comprised of. Everything stayed within this circle, until SHE came. And when she came, the world tilted.
In his whole life, never had he paid attention to any girl except her, Raavi. She was the only one who could bring him out of his world and wring his whole existence to focus all his attention on her. His brother had once said-
"Teri Dunya Raavi ke ird gird ghoomti hai." He had scoffed. Today he realised the truth of that statement. He had always been around her. His emotions went haywire around her. He declared his hatred but when she was around him, his whole attention was focused on her. For him, she had always been a part of his world, even though he didn't like it much. When she walked into a space he was in, everything became about her.
Then there was their wedding. He did it purely for Dhara. He could do anything for his Dhara. But then came the married life... And he truly accepted Raavi with his whole heart. He fought with her, thought they could never fall in love or move ahead, but he accepted her in his life as gracefully as he could. He cut her a lot of slack due to her misunderstandings. And he made sure she was safe. He made sure no one except his own self could hurt her ever.
Before their wedding, she was just his maami ki behen ki beti, but after the wedding she became his. His chipkali, his gadedhi, his chudail. Her purity couldn't be hidden from him. He, who had always been a thoughtful, open hearted guy and could identify the people by just some words from them had always treated her wrongly. And when she became his wife, he realised that she wasn't like he had thought. Her love for Dhara had been before him since he knew her, but then he saw how innocent she was. He saw how much she was hurt due to the circumstances and Dev . He saw how childlike and open hearted she was. He saw how she cared for his loved ones so selflessly and then he fell. Hard. Fast. And he didn't even understand what had happened until long after it had happened.
He had no experience in love. He had never been in close proximity with girls other than her. So when he started finding her amazing, he became confused. Each and everything she did became adorable to him. Her smile became his peace. Her tears became his poison. Her fear became his need to protect her. Her happiness became his responsibility. When her hair played with his face, it just enchanted him. And he didn't understand how he was supposed to behave now. How was he supposed to hide this phase? How was he supposed to behave like nothing has changed. Because for him, everything had changed. The world had tilted on it's axis. Her proximity and her acceptance were now his desires. How could he even stop watching that face which was slowly being painted in his heart. How was he supposed to ignore her presence when he was beginning to tie her to his soul? He was falling for her and when he understood this, being how he was, he wanted to clear this with her and tell her about his feelings because he didn't want to stay like this forever, nor did he want to confuse her even more. So he did the only thing he thought was the best. He decided to talk to her. He decided to tell her that he wants to give a chance to this marriage. True that it began like an accident but was it necessary that it should stay that way?
That was the reason why Shiva was waiting for his Chipkali to return to their room that night. That day had been amazing. He had gone shopping with her and watched her behave like the pre wedding Raavi, happy and carefree. He had seen her her demand from him little things that were her right. She had wanted to eat ice cream and chaats. She had wanted to roam around the whole market checking everything she desired. And finally when they were about to return, she had asked him to drop her at her Maasi's place so she could meet with them and return at night. He had grumbled at that but dropped her there reluctantly. He had observed that lately he didn't want her away at all. In fact her presence brought him a weird sense of peace, like he was home.
Shiva was bored. He had had his dinner and gotten to know from Dhara that Raavi will be a little late and her Mausapa will drop her. So he had come to their room and was watching the empty room with bored eyes. He was quite habitual to her now, so her absence bugged him terribly. Everywhere he turned he saw and felt her presence. In the way the partition had been positioned and decorated with fairy lights, in the way that the cupboard had been divided between them both. Even the bedsheet of their mattress was Raavi's choice. She had taken over his space and made it her own and he had no qualms over it because he seemed to enjoy her claiming his territory.
Shiva sighed and got up from the chair walking to the cupboard, so he could get a change of clothes. He opened it, only for a diary to fall down on his feet. He cursed slowly and bent down to pick the offending material, only to pause. His change of clothes laid forgotten on the floor as he watched the diary that had fallen open at his feet. It was Raavi's. Shiva gulped as he watched the first page flitter. There were two hearts drawn side by side... One had her name written in it. The other... belonged to Dev. His heart burnt. The fire began slowly but sharply and then began to devour him completely the further he stared at their names placed side by side. But that wasn't all. In the corner of that same page was a devil doodle and his name was written right in the middle of it. The tears that threatened to fall were mercilessly wiped away as he watched. He picked it up slowly, gently and stared at it in a dilemma. He knew he shouldn't read it but it was like a train wreck now. Out of his control. He sat on the mattress and took a deep breath before he turned a page.