Destiny 2

17.Kinn - Carefree

Kinn

I cant hold it anymore, so before he get into the bus, I call him. He look at his friend and quickly come to me.  I keep my mouth shut because I dont want to hurt him. I am being patient since early morning. I maybe all over the place organising the event but trust me, he always in my mind and I know everything happen around him. Its start when he come to the event with mile.  They happily walk and teasing each other, that make me skip my breakfast which at the first plan, I want to have it with him. Then again I skip my lunch when he happily eat with mile team. Since I have so much in my plate today, I cant even talk to him, I just observing him from far. He seem enjoying his day, talking and hugging everyone he know.
I am trying my best to control my anger on the day like this. He just wait and sit infront of me. He must be wondering, why I keep him here but not talking to him. I can see from the cafe he start feeling sad. His eyes and face become red. Again unconciously, I hug him.

Do I really love him, I ask myself when I am in my room alone. Its annoying living with this state of mind. After cleaning I call my mama. Its been a week , so I have to call her before she become angry. How are you mom, I ask my sulky mom. You have no mom now she said quickly.  I just chuckle and keep comforting my mom. Mom, how do you know you love papa, I ask her. She suddenly become really quiet. Mom, I call him to make sure she still on the line. I am here she said and suddenly screaming. Are you fall in love she ask me excitedly. No, I quickly deny. Yes you are she said happily.  Who is she , she ask. No one, I said again. Or who is he she ask again. Now , I confuse how to reply. So it's he, she screaming again. Mom, I call her a bit louder when she become overjoyed. Okay, cool down, she said to herself. I am all ears now, or should I go to your university she ask excitedly. No, no need and there is no one I said. After a short quite moment she ask carefully, are you being rejected . No, I reply.  Mom, I just ask and it don't have any meaning I said calm and clear. Really, you won't talk something like this she said again.  Lets forget it, I said. She now chuckle and calmly response to me.  You life with revolve around your love one. Even in a sea of people, you will spot your love one  effortlessly.  Even you are busy, you will find a way to see him, even a drop of  his  tears  bring your heart upside down, you are willing to give everything to the love one and most important thing is, you willing to lost your life for him, at least for my case she said calmly. Shit, I said in my heart.  Dont worry kinn, you will find it my mom said. Like how dad find you, I ask my mom. Yes, like us she said. Mom, will you really okay if it a boy not a girl , I ask her sincerely.  I dont mind any gender as long as he really sincere loving you and brave enough to face your dad she said. I am a woman, but I cant have a kids, but I still happy with your dad and you. It's not blood line, it's all about love she said. Thank you mom, thank you for choosing me, I said sincerely.  No, thank you for choosing us,  I still remember how you hold my finger with your little finger and keep hold another 2 months baby fingers. We nearly adopt both of you, but regretfully we can't, because he already have adopted family who quite powerful because even your dad can't take the boy, my mom said. Really, I ask with interest. Is he my real brother I ask my mom. Stupid, if he is your are real brother, I will fight with the world to get both of you, but no, he just an angel like you, sent to us who are helpless she said slowly. 
Mom, I love you, I said and she suddenly laugh. I should record it, I miss my chance she said and laugh happily again.
Bye mom, I said before we ended our call. My mom always call me angel. She said I am the reason she can live, but for me it's because of my dad. She was injured after the ambush from my dad oppponant paid gangsters. The doctor regretfully told my Mom, she cant conceive after badly Injured. When she healthy enough she secretly run away. After beating the doctor who are stupid enough , not even a day my mom back in my dad hug. Nothing can stop him from loving her. For the world , both are brave and admirable couple, but for me they are my life and loving parent .

It's still early morning, I don't want to start my day with cloudy mood like yesterday. Since I know how I feel toward the Prince,  no one can touch him anymore. Get ready, I will arrived after half a n hour I said after a long ringing.  He is really heavy sleeper.
I can hear he fell down and moaning.
I am already at his dorm after 25 munite  . I know he will come early because he scare of me. Just like I predict, he already waiting for me and sleeping at the bus stop. I should remind him not to be so care free. Luckily its in my territory,  so no one dare to act reckless here, but who knows. I will remind him later . I carefully bring him to my car. I am glad that I drive today.

31.12.23