Destiny 2

26.Thyme - Over thinking

Thyme.

Do you forget your promise, phi kinn mom ask him, when she bring me to phi kinn room. She must know that both of us stay in the same room. Mom, this is my room, your baby refuse to use his, phi kinn said annoyed how his parents picking on him. Is it true baby, phi kinn mom ask me gently. I dont like the mattress color, I reply to phi kinn mom. It's okay then, control yourself then phi kinn mom said to his son. I can see how phi kinn rolls his eyes.
After phi kinn daddy received call from my dad, they finally leave after promise to visit me again.

Kitten,  phi kinn call me after his parent leave. I still refuse to talk and he suddenly lift me and bring me to his room. Phi, your wound, I shout. He gently put me on his bed. Are you still angry,  phi kinn ask me. I nod and look at his wounded shoulder. I am sorry, phi kinn said. Phi, I am born and raise in special family. I know everything even I pretend to play dumb. I dont want my daddy worry about me, but please dont hide anything like my dad. I am  scare every time I don't see him. I dont want to feel  the same thing with you. I know you can't avoid all of this, but can you  tell me the truth. At least I can pray for you, I said clearly. After look at me for a while phi kinn said  i am sorry baby.

I let phi kinn sleep and go to my room.
I still confuse why phi kinn choose to get involved. I know he always try to avoid the fight like architecture case. Then when I know phi apo ask for phi kinn help, I felt a bit angry and sad.
I think I am jelous . Except for asking me to marry because of previous accidents,  phi kinn never say he love me. He chiise to marry mebecause of our family situation. I never check on phi kinn before. I accept him for who he are now. But for the first time I try to find information about my fiance. I dont see any news or scandal. But i think it too clean. Then I check on phi apo IG. I cant help but felt sad. What are their relation. They look so close. What are you thinking thyme. You love phi kavin. What wrong with you. Not  everyone are lucky like my papa who loved by his husband.  Not everyone are fortunate like dada nani who worship by daddy win. Definitely not everyone as lucky as phi wat who have phi kavin love. Stop being stupid I scold myself. This is eye openers for me. Phi kinn willing to die for phi apo. I should stop being nuisances in his life.
I felt sorry for phi kinn parent. I never thought they will come here. I just cant hide my tears when phi kinn mom call me. I am that worry. Even either he  or me dont have real love, I still wish for safety. After a long thought, I Finally understood why all of them make us promise to wait for our graduation before we get marry. This government project expected to end after my graduation. I really hate this room, but look like this will be my room from now on. I will ask a driver from phi kavin. I will use different schedule as a reason. Further more, I dont want phi kinn too tired. I must be stupid to dream such a good life.  I admit I enjoy mylife to the fullest this few months. It's a pity, but I need to be myself again.  I cant depend on phi kinn.

"Phi, I already ask phi kavin for driver, you can rest and take care " I leave the message beside phi kinn phone. Luckily, phi kavin don't ask too much and send his best man to escort me every day.
Since phi kinn is sick, I plan to buy a podridge for dinner. I cant blame him for what ever reason.  He is trap in this situation too. Dont be too stupid thyme, he still can be your good senior or friend I said try to convince myself. 
I look at the shoes at our door. I am a bit worry, I quickly open, phi kinn door. Sorry, I said when I see phi apo helping phi kinn change his bandaged.  I quickly close the door and go the kicthen.  I cant let them see how flustered I am.  I try to calm myself by preparing a table for our dinner.  I quickly run to my room and clean my finger cut. I must be stupid. I cant even use knife properly.  It's just a small cut, I look for my first aid and tears cant seems to stop. I look at phi kinn plaster. Dont be stupid, he treat every the same I said. With difficulties, I manage to plaster my finger even it look ugly. 

Sorry, kinn already hungry, I assume this Is for dinner, so I help to prepare it, apo said. I look at well prepared dish complete with water. It's okay phi, I said and look at phi kinn room. I will call him phi apo said. Okay, I said try to smile.
I can see how phi kinn and phi apo are comfortable with each other.  I quietly eat , I dont want to over thinking, so I better hurry and get into my room.
What happen,  phi kinn ask and hold my hand. Nothing,  it just small cut, i said and pull my hand. I am full now, I will leave both of you , I said.  You should rest, phi apo said. I will help to clean thus, he said again. I nod and walk to my room. I can feel phi kinn look at me. But I just pass through his room and get into my room. Once I lock my door, I start crying.

02.01.24