I was lying in bed with Ross that night. He was playing on his phone while i stared at the ceiling thinking about what i could about the situation. Ross put down his phone and rolled on his back. Rolled over so i was slightly over him. I traced his chest and abs with my finger. Then i rolled over on my side and tought some more. I felt Ross’ strong arms snake around me. I rolled over so i was facing him. We just stared at each other. It gets harder and harder to look at min in the eyes now a days. I see love in his eyes but i don’t trust it. t scares me to think about him and Laura and how it is on set. I stared deep into his eyes reading his every motion. He looked sorry and scared. I thought about what life would be like without him and cringed. Which only made him grip me tighter. It was as if he thought i was going to run away from him and leave him all alone. I don’t know if it may come to that or not but we may be on the verge. The more i stared at him the sadder i got. I sat up and took his hands away from me.
“We can’t keep doing this.” I told him my voice shaking just a little. “What do you mean?” He asked me looking more scared than before. I got up from the bed and started to walk the door. “I just can’t.” I said as the tears started to flood out of my eyes. I left the house and went and sat on the lawn. Not long after i sat down i heard Ross come outside. He sat next to me and pulled me into him. I cried into his chest. He shhed me and rubbed my back. “Stop it just stop.” I said in between sobs. I pushed him away from me and moved over. He gave me a confused look. “Stop comforting me. Stop making me want to love you again. I need to be mad at you!” I started to cry harder. Ross pulled me into him again. I beat on his chest and tried to get away but he was too strong. I cried into his chest again. I really don’t want to love him but he makes it so hard. He hurt me yet i still love him. Ugghh why why why why! I finally stopped crying after 2 hours. Ross clinged to me the whole time. He just would not let me go.
I got up when he did let me go. I started to walk away but he spun me around. “I still love you. I will always love you. Even if you hate my guts. But i will never let you go. Never.” Then kissed me passionately. I melted into the kiss. God i want to kill him. He can build me up and tear me down at the snap of his fingers. We sat on the porch in silence. Eventually Ross got up and went inside. I sat there quietly sobbing. What am i gonna do. I know it sounds cliche but i just might die from this love. I sat there all night thinking of the ‘What if’s’ and the ‘Could be’s’. I also sat there listing the Pros and Cons of this. I finally made up my mind and went inside.
I walked up to our room silently. For once i saw that Ross had let Cocoa cuddle up with him in bed. I smiled at the sight. But the smile quickly faded as i went on carrying out my plan. At about 6 Ross came down stairs. I sat on the couch with my suitcases behind me. My eyes were puffy and red from crying. Cocoa ran over and jumped on me. I pet her head and the put her back on the floor. Ross walked over and sat next to me. “So you’re leaving.” He said quietly. I nodded. “It’s for the best. We can’t keep living like this.” We sat there in silence for about five minutes. I looked at Ross to see tears running down his face.
Ross’ P.O.V.
I really screwed this up. I don’t even know why i did it either. I had nothing against Keira i loved her. Why did i have to have sex with Laura and fuck it all up. I sat there as the tears rolled down my face. Keira sat there looking at her hands. I hurt her bad. She’s right we can’t keep living like this. “I want to start over.” I heard her say breaking the silence. I looked at her. “Is it even possible?” I asked her my voice shaking. She looked down again. “I don’t know.” Was all she said and then she got up, got her suitcases and started to walk away. I ran up behind her wheeling her around. I kissed her. It lasted for at least 3 minutes. Then i whispered in her ear. “Promise you’ll come back?” She just turned around and walked to her car with tears in her eyes. Then she was gone. I walked over to the porch sat down and started to cry into my hands.
