Apéritif [ Carmy Berzatto || THE BEAR FF ]

Chapter 4

Knock-knock-knock

"Hey."

"Hey." Claire shyly smiled after seeing Carmy appear in the doorframe.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah of course."

"You're not going to take your jacket off?" Carmy cleared his throat.

"No no, it's fine." She waved. "What did you want to talk about?" A question that felt so obvious but was only a way of breaking the awkwardness in the air.

"I feel like you might already have a gist." There was a moment of silence before both of them took deep breaths in.

"Okay, I'm sorry about what I said... at the family dinner."

"Yeah." Claire's head tilted to the side, the same blue eyes that would send Carmy into a freezer was now pointed towards the floor.

"I was stressed, Claire. The kitchen was chaos- I-I mean I was stuck in a freezer."

"I know, and I'm glad you're alive. But I thought we were partners?"

"Partners?" Carmy's brows lifted as his eyes started shifting.

"Yeah.. partners. Did you not think we were par-"

"No no I did, we are." He ran his hands through his hair. "It just feels like I'm juggling a million things, and I can't catch a break."

Claire, her tone soft, "I get it, but you can't blame yourself, or blame me. Im here for you."

A heavy silenced followed them.

"Claire, I messed up I've been so caught up with the restaurant, trying to make it something great but I- I don't know."

"Carmy, it was already great." She placed a caring hand on his shoulder while moving in closer. "It was great because you were there, and it's only going to get better."

"I want us to work Claire. I just need some time to figure it out."

"I can't force anything from you, you know that right." Claire's eyes a little dim.

"If you need space, take it. I won't leave you though, I still care about you Bear." Each word she spoke caused a burning sensation in his chest. It spread like wildfire that if it were possible, it would burn through the fabric of his old Chicagoland tee.

"Bye Carmen."

The door sealed shut behind her, plunging the room into an icy silence. Not a single word escaped Carmy's lips as his body trembled, and he muttered curses under his breath. He lost his anchor and he could feel himself spiraling.

In a hurry he ran off to the bathroom. Swinging the door open that it bounced off its hinges. He searched frantically through the white cabinet behind his bathroom mirror. Popping open an almost empty bottle, he downed two capsules hastily. The swallow a bit more difficult this time around as his throat was hoarse. Hunched over the sink he stared into his reflection through his eyebrows. If anyone were to see him like this, they would be in their right mind to get medical attention. Fuck. His intense blue eyes were slightly bloodshot and his face a sickly shade of red. Fuck fuck fuck. He brought his fist up to his chest, rubbing in circular motions trying desperately to put out the flame that seared his chest. Fuckin shit.

Closing his eyes Carmy dropped to his knees. He felt the cold bathroom floor through his jeans as he leaned against the bathroom counter. Feeling a different kind of defeat, one he has never felt during his culinary career.