All of Me

v. catch the s train

"It's going to be alright."

Is it?

She'd heard every variation. I'm sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences. We'll all miss him.

Y/n powered down her phone after being flooded with condolences. While appreciating the well-meaning sentiments, she found it overwhelming. Coping with the loss of a superhero father, the collective mourning of thousands of strangers didn't sit well with her.

She recognized her selfishness in choosing solitude over comforting her mother. However, the pain and devastation over her dad's death, especially considering Spider-Man's resilience in always getting back up after being knocked down, were too overwhelming for her to set aside.

The people of New York lost their hero,

But a daughter lost her father.

She had found herself in this exact situation before-standing among mourners at a funeral, witnessing the solemn lowering of the coffin into the grave. She was supposed to be accustomed to it by now, given her past experiences with loss. But why did it still hurt so much?

Her father's words echoed in her mind. "Being Spider-Man comes with risk, but it also comes with responsibility. The responsibility we bear comes with a price, and sometimes that price is the ones we care about. It's a harsh truth, but it's one we can't escape. What matters is how we carry on, how we honor their memory and keep pushing forward despite the pain."

He must be disappointed at the way she was laying in bed for hours now, ignoring texts from Gwen, e-mails from Ganke, and calls from Miles. The rest were automatically sent to the spam inbox, coming from strangers who managed to get her contact number. We're sorry for your loss. Spider-Man was a hero.

What use were those words? To sympathize? To know that they care?

Even her social media wasn't a safe place. Her posts from weeks ago had recent replies of "R.I.P Peter Parker." or "Are you okay?"

Tired of the consoling words, she shut her eyes. Yet, each time darkness enveloped her, the stark reality hit - she was alone. The sole spider hero in a vast city. She realized she wasn't as ready as she thought. She simply needed more time. She needed more training. She needed more preparation.

She needed her dad.

Finally, she walked out of her room. The sky was gloomy- it's only been a day, but it felt like months now. Her body felt sluggish, heavy, and exhausted. She found her mom at the dining table, typing something on the laptop- probably replying to the well-wishers.

Y/n sat on the other chair, the opposite of her. MJ caught sight of her, and her back straightened. "Sweetie," she greeted, clearing her throat. "How are you-?"

The girl placed her mouth on her knuckles as she nodded, "I'm fine," she said, trying to sound convincing.

MJ faltered, her shoulder slumping. "I shouldn't have asked that. Of course you're not okay."

"I will be. I promise. I've gone through this before, Mom," Y/n said, and she noticed the way the older woman knit her eyebrows, but she decided to jump into another topic; one that she wanted to talk about ever since the funeral. She decided to confide in her. "Can I... ask for advice?"

"Anything," the redhead replied, closing her laptop to give her daughter her undivided attention. "What is it?"

She fiddled with her fingers, hesitating. "I..." she began, taking a breath. "I don't know if I still want to continue being Spider-Lily. What should I do?"