safeword

seventeen

Spring // The night before

"I need you."

Somehow, this way, it feels like salt in the wound. Touya could almost wince.

"Just like I needed you that night, just like I need you now."

Then, that salt turns into a knife through the chest. He stands in front of the doorway unmoving. Venom is coating his throaty syllables. "What night?"

"If we never talk about Sekoto-

"Shut up." Touya scoffs, lowering Keigo into nothing more than an idiot. Whenever he thinks about that night, he can't speak - can't move. Keigo knows that, it's why he's never brought it up. It's almost as if he's completely checked out when he speaks again. "You want to break up so bad, fine. I'm letting you. You win."

Touya walks to the hotel door after shrugging on a shirt, leaning down to catch his shoes between his fingers. Keigo sinks back down on the bed, hunching over with his head in his hands.

"Just move out. Get away from me."

"What?" Touya is already one bare foot into the hotel hallway, taken by the soft ring of elevator bells and chatter. He can't see Keigo behind him, staring up with clear, watery eyes. If he did, he would run faster than he came.

"Please just... don't leave. Just for a second, we'll be nice."

"You think I'll fall for that?" Though he's uttering contradictions, Touya still turns back around in the room, leaving it cracked to the hallway. Now he can see Keigo and all of his scattered inhibitions, lying to himself about something that Touya had already written off.

"Will you just hear me out? I don't want to fight at all." Keigo's voice is weak enough to falter, but he already feels inferior enough when he's in front of Touya. He kicks himself and forces his head up, blinking at the sky to blink away his tears. He can hear the door draw shut, close softly, and footsteps close in around him.

Keigo looks down to see Touya kneeling in front of him at the foot of the bed.

"Alright."

They blink - twice. Keigo wants to lean forward and touch. Yet, they just stare. Stagnant.

"This is me hearing you out." Touya tries once again, voice softer. It evokes an immediate reaction from Keigo, and he's shaking his head.

"I've been thinking... for a while since I've been on this mission." He stops for a second to breathe, trying different tones and wording to explain what he is trying to give next. "I don't think we should live together."

Years ago, Touya would think he'd flip the bed and Keigo onto its ass, yet now he nods. He just can't look Keigo in the eyes. "Okay."

"But we should still see each other. All of us."

"She'd live with you, though, wouldn't she?"

Keigo shrugs first, careful not to let this banter slip into something more than he could handle. "If she wants."

"Bullshit." Touya stands on a dime, actually stopping this time to slide his feet into his shoes. Keigo can feel his heart pick up in angst.

"Sit down, Touya, there is so much riding on you right now. On us." Keigo thrusts his hand to his chest, speaking just a bit louder - not quite yelling. "If we abandon this all, everything we've done will be for nothing. All for nothing." He starts crying towards the end, and it burns him, so he pulls it down. "I want babies - I want them to know your name. I want a legacy with you in it." Keigo is talking into Touya's back, but he's there. He's listening. He'd just rather stare at the wall right now. "And all we do is fight. Talk shit."