Writer Games: Amnesia

Semifinals - Music to My Ears - Dandy Delphan

Once there was a child, who loved to play,
Her hair always twisted in the hay,
Her pretty blue eyes lit up the sky,
Only for her life to be ended on a high.

The arena has finally become quiet. The loud murmurs of the other tributes that once filled the arena have shrunken down to an eerie whisper. Their voices used to descend down the corridors and for that moment they would motivate you to run, to survive. Now, as only a few remain, I stare aimlessly around the room, unsure of what I am searching for. With the memories that have slowly returned, I find it hard to focus on anything. The overwhelming questions take full control of my attention span; their answers, broken into fragments, slowly but surely come back together.

Wandering down the halls, I hold my swaying necklace in my hand. The ring, that has acted as my loyal companion, brings up memories of her that I had tried so hard to forget. The darker side to the girl she hid from the world. Even with the arrival of my memories I still find it hard to answer the main question that has been tormenting my mind:

Do I love her anymore?

Somewhere along the way, the Games have changed me. I can tell the small little boy scared to fight isn't there anymore. As I look down towards the ring I realise that I'm not the person who fell for the girl. I'm no longer the boy who'd cower away from his feelings; I'm no longer a child. The man left after the bloodshed has somehow stuck and for the remaining hours until the Games finish, I can be someone who I can admire. A hero.

Neither the one that fights crime nor the one that saves a woman from a burning building, but a hero that isn't scared to fight for himself. However, as I rack through the lengthening list of kills I begin to wonder if I have gone too far. If my innocence is too far gone to be saved? Has the killing muted my ability to love?

I can't tell anymore. I try to desperately ignore the groaning feeling from within, but even the sight of yet another bleach white room, I can't silent the torment going on in my head. I hold my hand out to reach the silver handle and with a hard push, the door swings open.

A small bathroom appears behind the door. Although its interior isn't anything needed to be seen in the light. The room is dingy yet still maintains the same bleach-like smell like the rest of the arena. I walk over to the mirror hanging drunkenly above the sink, astonished by the man that reflects back from it. His face coated in different shades of red, his clothes smeared in blood that has soaked into the fabric. I stumble on the spot, lifting my hand towards my face but as I notice the mirror's reflecting edge I realise that the man is me.

I begin to panic and within doing so I allow the necklace to fly off into the pristine sink. I watch the smooth edge creeps closer towards the drain, the silver shade of the ring alienating itself against the off white sink. I watch as it falls into the hole and with it washing away the last piece I have of her. The last piece of the old Dandy.

I try and move from the mirror but , pulling away from its truthful reflection, I can't help but want to know more. The reflection moves closer and for a second I glimpse into my eyes, not to see the hope bursting from within but a light bulb that has gone out.

Slowly backing away, It soon hits me the deaths cause by my hands. Even through the hazy memories of the first day, the stack of the dead keeps a constant hover over my thoughts.

I killed them.

I made them give their souls to heaven.

I freed them.

Without warning, a noise bursts from the opposite door, I'm immediately snapped back into the Games. The noise gets louder, almost as if it was a muffled voice. I plan on hiding behind the door, but as I creep towards it, it slowly creeps open. I move a matter of inches towards the now ajar door when Violiss breaks through and lands firmly in the center of the room.

She looks almost exactly like Alice when she was younger. Of course, her ginger locks weren't the same shimmering shade of blonde but her eyes were almost identical. It must have only been a couple of seconds but as Violiss turned slowly towards me I can see the fear bursting from her eyes. Time somehow catches up and before I can even move, Violiss' frail body crashes on top of mine.

At first, she doesn't seem to know what to do but as her grip tightens around my neck, she reinforces her motive. I watch in disgust as the little girl makes my laboured breaths work so hard to exhale.

Five breaths.

The feeling of suffocation begins to creep in but as the faintest memories of the games flash before my eyes, it's hard to see the danger I'm in.

Four breaths.

The trembling light from above somehow manages to irritate my eyes. For a second whilst looking to the light, a sweet melody plays through the air. I look towards Violiss, who by now is exhausted from squeezing so hard, to see her face distorted. Like her and Alice has somehow merged into one being. The emotion becomes too much, the tears leap from my eyes. The overbearing wave of sadness floods through my body and if, as a sign of release, a sad melody filters into the air.

Three breaths.

The melody floods into my brain, numbing any feeling of pain radiating from the neck down. I'm almost stunned as the pulsating movement in my legs eerily stops and for a second I'm paralysed. I look towards the ceiling in panic and through the gentle flicker of the lights I see translucent shapes floating delicately in the air.

Two breaths.

They begin to take shapes and, as I take my last spluttering breaths, the faces of my victims take form. They look at me from the sky, their warming embrace felt in a heat wave making my forehead beam of little sweat droplets. I wince away from them, too afraid to seeing their hallowing faces. However, as I gently turn my head back, I'm welcomed by their accepting faces. Maybe I did them a favour?
Maybe I helped them escape?

One breath.

By now a headache has swooped in. My mind bustling with questions and their baffling answers, I take one last deep breath and with the last once of strength I punch through the air. Violiss falls backwards in disbelief, her hands clumsy fiddling around with a knife. Before she even has a chance to move, my hand flails out towards her, catching her long greasy locks in my hands. She doesn't even look my in the eye, before dropping the knife and crawling on the ground.

I look pitifully towards her, the sounds of her cries filling the air. I notice the knife gleaming against the floor and without thinking I grasp it firmly and plunge it into her back. She twitches for a second before her body gives into the blood loss.

Staring into the sky for some reason I feel her spirit floating to heaven. The feeling should be unrealistic yet as the cannon blasts frightfully through the arena, a tingling sensation rises through my body. A warming feeling. I look to the sky for the last time and with a final gust of strength I manage to climb to my feet and with hesitation I trek over towards the door. My eyes flicker towards the hanging light and with the gentle breeze, the slim chance that they'd reappear goes with it.

Even in the years to come their faces will traumitise me. Waiting, hiding in the shadows until i switch off the light and welcome the way of terrors. It's in that moment where everything sinks in.

Innocence will never return.

Winning the games won't bring it back.

But as think back to the nights where i spent my time wrapped in Alice's arms i can't help but to find hollowness in the memory.

I guess that innocence is like childhood in a way,

Just a distant memory.