Missing Pages (Book 2)

Loaded Gun

Song: 9 Crimes By Damien Rice

Louis's POV~
Writing to him makes me feel like he's still alive. It's an illusion I've noticed before - words on a page are like oxygen to a flame, firing up ghosts appearing as shadows in the dark. It only lasts while the words are in your head. After you put down the pen the flame flickers out again. Lifeless.

Dear Donny,

I wish we could go back in time, to before it all went wrong. When we were pointlessly flirting in dark chambers. I wasn't supposed to even like you. I want to go back, back to when we both hated each other. Before I fell for you. Before that night in the alley. Before you broke my heart. Even if it meant we hated each other, at least you would still be alive.

Why'd you have to be such an idiot? Why'd you have to save me? You should be the one who lived. You could do so much more in the world than I ever could. You could've been a doctor, or a police officer, you could've done anything you wanted. What can I do? Play football. I'm not smart like you were. I can't save lives, or-

I stop writing, my eyes becoming heavy and I find myself drifting to sleep.

"I saved you because I love you dumb ass." He teases.

"Donny?" I ask. "I-I thought you were-" "I am. But I needed to see you."

"But-How?" I ask confused.

"It's complicated." He sighs. "Look I don't have much time, okay? I need you-" I cut him off with my lips. He kissed back, our lips moving in sync as we both move our lips against each other's.

"I miss you." I whisper against his lips.

"Going soft on me are you?" He jokes.

"Stuff it."

"Louis, you have to talk to Josh."

"No. I can't. I'm a horrible person."

"You're not horrible, you made a mistake. It was my fault. I pushed this on you."

"No you didn't. I chose you. I love you." I say, "What if I never get over you? What if I continue to wake up every day of my fucking life & want you so badly that my bones shake so much that I swear they're going to break? What if I keep waiting for a call or a text or a sign from God that never comes? A sign that you are somehow still alive? What if you were 'the one' but I wasn't?"

"You have it backwards babe, you were 'the one' & I wasn't." He says, caressing my cheek. "If someone were to dust my heart for fingerprints, they'd only find yours. You are the closest thing to happiness & love I've ever had in my life..and in death." He says, smiling a little.

"That isn't funny." I pout.

"You're in a sour mood aren't you?"

"You're dead. Of course I'm in a bad mood."

"I'm with you now, doesn't that count for anything?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe? Damn tough crowd." He jokes, & I can't hold back my smile. "See, that's what I wanted to see."

"Shut up." I roll my eyes.

*Saturday, Donny's Funeral*

Josh's POV~
"Thanks for doing this." Louis says quietly as I finish tying his tie.

"No problem. Niall said you needed help preparing for the funeral, so I figured why not?"

"I think we should talk." He says, biting his lip.